「 The Soul Has Spoken. 7:47 AM 」

my my...its been 2 days since i posted...didnt hv time to do so...gotta rush the bio proj...onli managed to hand it in today at 4.30...den we go interact...is like reach Beyond like 5pm lor...late 2 freaking hrs...wth...gotta feeling i screwed up all my tests...bio i dun tink mr melvin ho will let our asses off easily...u noe,i can IMAGINE the horns on his head....

manz i can BET u he is gonna pass our gay pics around...mayb go scan it and post it on Youtube.... if he pass around,hes gonna eat my true form...hahaz...he sure come read 1...at first when he show me blog in class,i wanted to change my blog addr. 1...but tink again,change juz cos he noe?he wan read read lor...hope he reading tis also..hahaz...he may laugh at tis blog,at tis blogger,but means tat his mind aint mature enouf to understand?

feel kinda light...knowing tat i am not bounded by such problems and tat i will not initiate anything...is to see if she has any feelings for me...if not,guess is realli a gone case ba...>< wish it not,yet its so...oh well...gotta take a rest...tis week has been hectic...gimme a break...

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 7:35 AM 」

heyz....today was realli tiring...i guess is due to the PE?playing bball in the sun,trying to fry myself aint such a smart thing to do...hahaz slept a lil during maths and chem lectures,overall activity is realli low...><>< NOOOO....

hmmm im kinda cheerful since monday...mayb cos i got my tots rite?mayb,i am able to live my life better without such pressure?i kinda hope 1 day some1 finds me,but i guess i juz aint in the position to return...now,i see things tat i used to see,but 4got bout them for the past few months...the cloud,the sun,the greens...all seem to exclude some kinda beauty...mayb cos i am more inclined to nature?mayb,tats y i juz wanna be me?be wat i am supposed to be without the haunting past?

mayb cos i believe,i hv my own set of definitions....

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 5:34 AM 」

ahhh...damn smth is wrong today...wake up fine,take bus fine,but go skool suddenly damn tired...early morning like tat,survive whole day means information absorbed=1%....zZz morning tired,tired the whole day sia...even slept in front of teacher during chinese tutorial...den the bio CA,real hard la...all application question,question ask smth,i answer another>< tats the result of rushing for time...the bio CA,tink can pass,but still be like shit...

wonder wats wrong today...i juz gotta feeling,its kinda over alreadi...like,so negative feedbak..hmmm guess like i tot,im fated to be ba..hahaz den i better go work hard in bio...go bio research and find out new ways to counter viruses,i wouldn waste my life,life tat science has granted me...walked in the rain juz now,feel realli nice...mayb cos i haven done tat for so long?but it kinda refreshes me...hmmm hope tml gotta b better...

hmm got tis weird feeling though...feels like,the evil me is out?kinda not sure,but i feel i kinda mistreat ppl...ppl like vance...kinda pitiful,tio teased 24/7 like tat...ahhhh...mayb i shud lay bak like the past...observe...but then again,the others dun deserve the cynical me..geEz i dunno sia...><

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 7:15 AM 」

heyz heyz...nothing much to blog about today actually...but since i start it,i gotta carry on wif it...hahaz doing things by halves realli r useless...juz wake up,dota,go out,dota,eat sleep...errr nothing else ba?got go toilet also....lolz...sometimes,i feel my life is but a blank page...nothing to write upon,nothing to look forward to....mayb tis is my mistake?i chose to live when im 1yr old,now i pay the price?bahhh forget it...i was still dumb den..

cheryl,i juz wondering,y did u make a bday wish tat is so hard to come true?unless the opposing party accepts me,u dun get the wish...but i hope ur wish come true sia...den imma b damn happy..hahaz..

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 8:10 AM 」

my my...tis is so tiring a day...last nite do PI and GPP,so 1am++ den sleep...today walk up go lessons,den go CIP...realli burns me out>< den later go bugis wif doug buy mag's present,gEez wait taxi 40mins...at first wan play pool,den so long is like,fark la dun wan liao...

hmmm i kinda juz wondering,i tink tat i realli cmi for her alreadi..giving up?not when i love her,but i kinda dun tink she likes wat i do....hmmm tis is sad...aiz i tink...some things,i feel i shud hv did some things,but i didnt...cos she may not like it...in other words,am i hopeless alreadi?><

my eyes r gonna pop out soon...and imma look liek vance if i stay up any longer...so tis is all...next week 4 tests,3 CAs and 1 geog test,taken into consideration for OCIP...damn it i nid a miracle...GAMBATEH!!

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 6:23 AM 」

ahhhhh realli realli zoning out!!ytd nv add entry,cos rushing GPP wif andrew and audrey...den next day come skool,jolene say is friday hand in!!WAAA my face now is like tat alreadi...den today,so burnt out...go home dun even hv energy do hw...im kinda type-sleeping also...zZzZ

vance is so funny...tink he better tink b4 he toks...last time he said he dropped his beans,den he got no balls,now he said his dick smaller den the guy hu committed suicide due to unsatisfactory dick size...

actually,i kinda pity tat guy...tink it is said he got mental problem...like study too much...but wth,tis kinda thing also wanna commit suicide...guess he feels tat dick size is everything...><><

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 7:05 AM 」

heyz heyz....manz seems like i started the day badly...woke up feeling tired,after bathing at least better...den when go up bus,the air con there is as gd as nothing...damn><>< den the whole day like so listless...jzu cos i couldn stone in bus...hahaz..went to NUH for checkup,and asked if i had any problem with regards to taking a plane,and he said he forsee no problem...hahaz most prob can go alreadi..yay?hahaz

hmmm cheryl and group been pestering me bout hu the gal is..hahaz mayb she noes is her,i also cannot confirm...muahaha cheryl u slowly guess^^ u can NV guess it rite,especially when i decide to be natural..hahaz guess i muz b damn sickening eh...:P i learnt tat such things can NV tell to others...wan do do everything urself

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 8:02 AM 」

manz...damn i feel so sianed today...slept onli like 8 hrs><>< hving a sick person,especially 1 hu works sooo much,realli is difficult...damn,missed the mass conv. on msn and some msgs..ahhh such a waste...kinda tired now,but as usual,dun feel like sleeping...dunno y,nowadays i like being conscious...mayb cos i am gonna b unconscious forever soon?ahhh i cant wait...hahaz..

also,oooooo cheryl got my blog...hahaz soooo amazing...hope shes reading tis...hahaz...

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 8:00 AM 」

ahhhh...been some time since i been so clear-headed...mayb cos my burden is lifted?deciding to hang around and wait wouldn be too difficult a thing bah...forcing anything would NV work...juz be myself certainly aint difficult at all...hahaz...

wake up feeling tired..so dota the whole afternoon wif doug and others...hahaz i guess imma big slacker...at nite go safra play pool...hahaz...such a boring day of a boring person...hahaz...nothing much to write...

the dawn the crimson sun awakes,
the night the starlit sky awaits,
her smile the lonely soul he waits,
his love he leave it to fate.

something i dreamed of last nite...weird rite?some kinda shakespear thingy...hahaz but rhymes though..haha

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 6:43 AM 」

>< damn it i feel i owe an apology to the others...been veri moody today,is like a blardy wet blanket...i feel tat they do not deserve tis at all...geEz i guess i got it rite in my head alreadi...took the whole day,but managed to force myself...guess imma juz be the inner me...been acting strange the last few days...

guess i decided to let it go after all...so it goes,"the man without love is the most lonely of all"...if i can tahan being alone for 17 yrs,y not another say,60 yrs?to tell the truth,i juz wanna find some1 i can be totally devoted to,some1 tat is realli tat kind and will b loyal to me also...i had made it a responsibility to care well for my family,and i will continue to follow it...juz tat,if no 1 likes me,den wth can i do?im NOT a despo,if i cant find it,i discard it...guess i juz wait now...wait for some1 to take my hand..its been so tiring...gimme a break...><><

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 6:58 AM 」

ahhhh today is so freaking boring a day...wake up late,den have to rush thru everything,no bath and run to bus stop to avoid missing the bus...was actually there a lil late,but didnt miss the bus^^ hair was a complete screwed piece of shit,but managed to minimize damage..hahaz...den the chinese oral presentation..got 5/10 onli...reali bad><>< hope i dun do too badly for it...ahhh hahahaha...

its amazing how i get past tis day without dying of boredom...large part is her smile i guess...realli give me smth to look forward to everyday^^ tinking bout it,i realli wish tml would come fast fast so tat i can see her smile again...shes not been online for quite some time alreadi...wondering if she avoiding me?hmmm im not gonna jump to conclusions.. kinda tired now...finding resources for PW now...laterz

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 6:16 AM 」

hahaz,today is realli a freaking long day...reach home at 7.20,eat dinner and study chem at the comp...hahaz today is realli quite in interesting day...1 break,but managed to tahan till 5...funniest is during bio lecture...when we were moving into lecture,andrew hid bhind pillar...melvin ho was refilling water bottle...when he passed andrew,andrew jumped out and "BOO!",u shud hv seen melvin ho's expression!!HAHHAHAHAHAHA REALLI FUNNY SIA...andrew got 2 hard punches on his bak and was pulled in by melvin ho...hahahaha in the end he still got away relatively safe...during lecture,while i was trying to figure out the parts on the different phase of the cells(interphase,mytosis and cytokinesis),the 1T29 assholes were making so much noise behind!!!if i were agressive,i would hv throw smth at them...but being a nice guy,i didn^^(BHB)

no improvement...getting to see her smile today is kinda nice...b4 break,i was realli blur>< realli like drunk,dunno wat i doing and stuff,so didnt go and see her...but after break,i managed to make a few turns and look...hahaz can say she gives me life...but i feel kinda wrong tat when ppl as me go wif them,i left her and went...felt tat i shudn do tat...but realli hv no choice...cant let others noe hu it is,or else she will b the 1 suffering from them...when the time is better,i will propose,when she avoid me or give big hint for me to scram,ill scram..aRgH aint got a choice...my life is so hard...

ahhhh nothing much to do but study...hope tml's chinese oral i can make it><

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 7:58 AM 」

my my...quite a boring sunday here...wake up,play dota,eat,give doug A.maths lesson,eat,dota,sleep...aRgH kinda screwed up life i got here...but at least doug aint totally blank in maths now...last time u give him qn do,1 look and say dunno le...make him focus also stuck totally...at least,now better...hahaz...

nothing much...was juz tinking...if she realli like other guys,den i also cant do anything...if i can,i would hv done things to help,but the fact tat i cant b totally sure unless news get out...so ill still hv her as my 1 and onli 1...if she like other guys,den i cant let her noe the sufferr i go thru alreadi...cos its unfair to her...at tat time,even if it sunders my soul,i still muz let go...but now...I MUST HOLD ON!!!COS SHE IS THE ONLI 1 IN MY HEART!!SHE IS 1 TAT WOULD MAKE MY LIFE A LIVING HEAVEN,AND SO WILL I...BY THE ENDLESS VOID,I SWEAR TO IT!!

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 10:24 AM 」

its so late at nite....but i cant sleep...juz tis thing tat pains my mind....is tat the gal i like...seems to like some1 else...hmmm experience the pain tat i felt last time...is not smth i look forward to...yet i cant let her go as easily as throwing rubbish down the chute...tis feeling...DEFINATELY is love...love for wat she realli is...love for...her.

today is but another boring day...stayed up last nite for her,when she log off,i continue doing PW wif drew till 1am...den today wake up 1pm...hahaz...dota a lil and went out for dinner...went for guild war in RO...den go uncle house,chat and drank booze...though is baron,but is still quite diluted for me to get drunk..so when i reach home,decided to go online and do PW...but then,both audrey and andrew offline alreadi...so stayed up and tok wif others...

aRgH...somewhat emo here...but yeah,tats not impossible...ahhh hope i snap outta it soon...tired but cant sleep...i dunno,but i hope the person she described is me...low chance...i realli are as relationship-disabled...i wish for some1 to help me,but i wish to b strong and do it alone also...how?juz do it alone!!!!somewat lame,but i guess a blog is a crap-alley?

also,smth realli sad is going on in 1t30...is like SAVM are always left out...during breaks,we juz sit and eat together...yes juz 4 out of the 24 in the class...mayb we are outcasted by the fact tat we are noisy in class?we put in the effort to bring every1 in,but there realli aint gonna make the situation better if we are to keep doing tat for everything...>< *sobs* realli sad tat tis hv to happen...is tis wat life is?den wats the point of living in a world where every1 bs,discriminate and do things tat harms others?

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 8:37 AM 」

gEez...i dunno whether to laugh or to cry...things dun look so bright on me now...

gotta feeling she would nv accept me...mayb realli cos of the idiocity i am now...but den again...i realli cant do anything better alreadi...i hv NV EVER tot bout other gals other den her..i swore total loyalty to her...but if she dun like me,i cant do anything...i train myself hard,trying to endure the mass PE so tat i will b able to protect her if the needs arises,but if she also dun like,i cant do nothing...i try to get close to her,to let her understand me better,but if she dun wan,i cant do nuts...argh troubling....

today go join interact club...den go AWWA school for the mentally disabled...wow for the first time,i get to see how difficult it is to train the mentally disabled...it realli is a test of patience and skills...hmmm got me tinking...integrate them...realli difficult...but at least the society is trying...wat more can we do?aRgh weak arguement...

damn im veri tired now...discussing wif audrey and andrew bout PW...laterz!!

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 3:37 AM 」

ahhhh...today realli is a day of tots...so many things going on in my mind...

today is weird...i juz got the feeling to study bio...feel tat bio makes much sense to me,and realli can take in anything bout bio...weird eh...so i took in half the lecture notes on enzymes and the lecture on chromosomes...ahhh feels kinda rite after tat,but den,the weather took a turn for the worst...it was burning hot out there and being enzyme style(heat over optimum temperature,activity lower),i naturally get physically weak...but due to the iced teh tat i drank during break,my mind was overactive and i became a computer(well,almost anywayz^^),tats how all tis tots came bout...den,juz as we were bout to start running,i got hungry...den no strength run and do other things...well,can say is juz tinking bout her tat gives me the strength to carry on and perservere...even the skin scraped off by my shoe and bleed like hell feels like nothing...

1 thing is tat i find it weird tat melvin ho seems to play along with SAV,but i juz got a feeling tat he kinda dislike them...refusal to give them help during tutorial..and reading his eyes...got the mixture of despise and joker...mayb SAV play too much with him...and he dun like it...sometimes,his limit aint as high as we tink...hmmm...i cant tell SAV,as i got no concrete proof of it...juz a feel tat i see...

another is...well..her...hmmm 1 thing tat makes me realli love her is the fact tat she is soft spoken,understanding and realli listens to others...but there are some limitations...firstly,imma short,skinny guy tat dun hv a gd-to-look-at face...shes a pretty gal tat is taller den me by a few cms,and realli can get better guys den me...secondly,she is realli well respectable,where imma low down guy tat aint got gd family bakground...thirdly...well not realli a big problem,but is tat shes catholic...i dunno bout the rule they hv,but mayb muz convert or smth...i aint gonna convert,but i aint gonna 4get bout the pact i made with buddhism...i will do as she says as long as i dun nid to convert,but yeah,it shudn b a problem..ill juz step bak and listen to her...aiz...dun tink she even sees tis blog...even if she does,she may tink i like some1,but it realli is onli her...her and onli her...if she tinks i like some1 else,i hope she dun give up on me...cos when the time is ripe,i will propose...

argh...tis is a big load of crap...no 1 is gonna read it...hahaz but nvm...ill juz read myself^^

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 7:43 AM 」

manz...tis realli is a long long day...lessons to 5,7.30-9 we hv a parent-teachers meeting...hahaz it sux...so damn damn boring...basically we were listening to wat we listened to during the 1st intake...looking around,more parents slept den students..even melvin ho(slyvester) slept...he woke up onli when the part about BGR is on...hahaz realli is his nature...but i dun blame him...scholars muz hv been realli burnt out by studying and easily corrupted^^....if it was me,i would NEVER allow myself to b like him...hahaz...

tml is another session of mass PE...can i survive?OF COURSE!!!love is a power stronger than physical limits...i will not fall!!

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 3:55 AM 」

wao...cant believe im so damn weak now...1hr of PE with a lil physical training and i actually failed to complete all>< went down with heat exhaustion...onli got better after a shower during break...aRgh so sianed...pulled down by work i have not dotaed for 2 days alreadi^^ gotta finish my preliminary ideas today...deadline,tml!!ahhhh!!!my "beepers for old folks" idea have not even been accepted...aRgH...it sucks...and today,i juz realised coussy is really veri guai lan...ppl make noise,she ask them shut up...den ownself make alot of noise...like ppl cant touch her she can kik ppl like tat...hate tis kinda attitude...

hahaz looking at the bright side,contact wif her aint too bad at all...i dunno...hope tat when the time is rite and i propose,den she wouldn freak out and avoid me like wat karen did...gonna hurt sooo much...ahhh so burnt out now,but managed to write tis entry...im amazed^^

more i tink,more i worry...realli hope><>< T.T

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 3:28 AM 」

waaa...today is sooooo boring a day...2hrs GP tutorial followed by 2 hrs chinese...worst,the weather give hot-cold treatment...burning my brain inside out>< ...hahaz nothing much today,do hw and stuff...we noe Vance become NU REN,things are gonna get interesting...GP essay got 18/30 >< i got a feeling the teacher noes i got a weak heart and dun wanna fail me so early...hahaz veri tired now...but wats the pt of complaining?juz get on wif life and do it!!also,i hope she will accept me...

「 The Soul Has Spoken. 7:39 PM 」

Grand Opening today!!!come come ppl and tag me!!hahaz took me so long to finish tis blog...quite a big accomplishment...hahaz gotta thank andrew and doug for it...the links i got are from 1t17 blog,so if theres more,write to me!!thanks ya!!