Soul in the Shadows

2008-05-13T06:30:00.000-07:00

Have not been blogging for very long..why?i give my reasons(excuses included)

1) nth much tat is available to write on. Most of my day is spent in camp. Cannot write. The rest of my time is spent in WoW. How to have things to talk about? I know it,why not change it??i had/have/am/will be saying tat if one knows smth without doing smth to it,then that knowledge is useless..but then,i dun need to change it. WHY?leads to next point---

2) Due to how i spend my time,i neglect my out-of-camp friend(which incidentally is ducklings only). moreover, they go poly,got different stuff to talk about,all tat i dun understand and may nv do. aka?i am outta group,period..want to get back in?suree...but is it good to force back in?after all,the path is deviated.it might actually be better if they remain close nitched among themselves..hence,ill juz leave it as it is..

3) looking at my blog links..mostly all privatise their blog..so,no link to click...got a few la..like rosel,juan2,bx,andrew and some others..but yeah,first 2 ppl not realli tat close friends..bx and andrew bmt,so little blog writing too..aka?no links tat are nicely clickable..

4) no 1 play wow already. no 1 to talk to,so,QQ off,im alone..lol

5) lastly,share my views and get slammed?like what happened in the past 19 years?nahh,i have better things to do..too lazy to trouble myself,unless its smth real worthy..yupyup

oh well,tats it for now..mayb next time..

2008-03-27T08:38:00.000-07:00

Hmm..something 1 of the new ppl said hits me as rather true..sad truth eh..lolz

say,"why would any girl want a PES E person unless they have no other choice? As in,its human nature to seek for healthy guys right?"

Point taken,its true,and perhaps i know why im like that now..lol..

2008-03-18T08:58:00.001-07:00

Damn it..so many fucked up things happened this i HAVE to use the word fuck..

First of all, it sucks when i dun get to run my life..its always,i wake up,ding,she planned my whole day,wat to do,where to do,everything. feel like a lifeless bot that lives to be used to gain honor for her..bahh..if i dun start doing things myself,imma be backward in management skills, other than backward in social and relationship skills already..TSK..

Next, why the FUCK did i get such a STUPID bloodkin that ALWAYS wants me to be below him(not that he is very high in his standards) and to make mockeries out of me...NOT acting like a real bloodkin is bad enough, treating me like a noob so as to gain some self-esteem is worst, but the ultimate is SABOTAGING me when i do IMPT things..what a loser...ill LAUGH at him when he come begging me for copper coins next time..

Lastly, i feel the same increase in hormonal levels i had last time..the yearn..DAMN it..i try to kick myself outta it,but it still comes back...looking at my history,its all girls that care squat bout me when i like them...TSK..is liking ppl(love mayb too) be so TOUGH on me? ok,i am short,and girls typically wants guys that is taller than them by at least half a head..gives a more secure feel eh..or some guy who goes around looking cool,makes lotsa aquintances tat runs away in the slightest sight of trouble...HM..height is not smth i can control..so such things i have absolutely NO power to do anything...as for looking 'cool', i don't too...it just doesn't suit my style to look for unstable friendship as i been backstabbed and attacked MANY times..so,in other words...im SCREWED..

TSK..life's like this,go sleep

2008-03-04T07:48:00.000-08:00

worry sets in..A level results are out on friday,2.30pm..somehow i dont feel like taking the results..mainly cos i may need to retake,and i HATE retaking..its like,so many arrangements that the school made last time,and now i have to make the arrangements more independently..very messy..i dun tink my results will be good..and i dunno wat will happen after that..that worrying..is sickening...so what can i do now?nth..nth at all..except worry..sian..

went out with the class last saturday..1 of the outings that have turnouts more than normal..not too bad..but things dont really change..we really didnt do much..eat at central,eat at azabo sabo(i tink spelling is like that),den sit on the bridge at clark quey...talk awhile,den people starting going home(cos to catch the last train)..so..didnt talk much either..den cheryl,denise(cheryl's pri skool friend),shane and me go zouk..tmd,no phuture tickets,so stay down there get bored,smell cigrette and listen to music that i think is hard to dance to(70s music)>< yeah..rather eventless..

gtg sleep lo..tml still must wake up early..mayb ill see the terrorist guy..den im getting his signature and kick him to the nearest police station..who knows?:P

2008-02-19T07:02:00.000-08:00

lolz life now..interesting and boring..interesting cos im with interesting people,boring cos i have no major personal responsibility that can make me look forward to..hope everyone else is doing well..other than that,nth else i can say le..like spending whole day doing nth liddat..lolz..

like lost contact with everyone sia..play too much le..chop me and go out!!:P i wanna walk the road with my shorthair head held high!!

2008-02-05T07:48:00.000-08:00

been quite long since i blogged..lolz seriously nth that i can blog about though..now life is like that,gotto guard my words..i seriously needa workout..so flabby and skinny..although every1 says my shoulder broader..guess i cannot see..wa lao,alllways so suay..got ppl jio me out long last(sry doug) den need to do other things..CRAP..><

although i kinda dont have time now,i actually managed to do smth i been wanting to do soooo damn long...guess after i done it,the results still DO affect me,and will be for quite some time..but yeah,learn to let to go,yeah?so no worries,i know what to do.

lolz crappy sia..really nth to say..ahhh!!no lifer!!worst den when im chionging wow!!

2008-01-25T08:05:00.000-08:00

waaa y my blog so quiet 1?nv come online msn den no 1 see blog le ah..on msn also no 1 talk wif me 1>< lolz..where can liddat lose friends??PPL,DIG ME OUT PLEASE!!!!when im botak i look like a monkey sia-_-

i amaze new friends when they ask me if i got a gf,and i say no.they ask why,i say i nv ask,they ask why,i say im the shy type.LOL..this is hilarious...

all damn random...lolz cos i hv to "filter" alot..so...come talk to me for more funny stuff!!:P can even like msg me to come online..ill juz log off wow or smth and go msn..i mean it^^

2008-01-18T09:13:00.000-08:00

im bak,im botak,im fatter and im alive!!to find out more,pls call the man behind the keyboard.

omg i feel tat porn is nth,nor do i feel tat naked guys are smth too..am i like,not human?or juz missing u?lol

2008-01-12T05:03:00.000-08:00

lolz i hv not blogged in like..1 whole month..oO wow..lolz..yeah,i rushed WoW too much..but another reason was tat my tagboard was kinda dead,so didnt come look..hmmm prolly hv nth much to blog about,though its in the hols,like,talk about WoW?nahh..lolz..

went out a few times wif the class(guys onli sometimes) and duck/ducklings..lolz..even 1 time went for a dip in the pool at audrey's condo...haha..now now...not gonna enjoy soooo much freedom alreadi..going into ns next monday..5 day induction program!!and i get my weekends!!woot!!hope i get into cmpb after tat so tat i can save bus fare..oil prices rise le!!oh well..nth much to say though..boring guy rite..yeah..bo pian..mug game liddat 1..lolz..

still gonna miss ya though...or,still missing ya..lolz..dunno if u noe,i hope it is..but oh well..2 yrs..how to ask??onli free on sat and sun..DAMN><

2007-11-29T08:15:00.000-08:00

tis is bad..i tink wow is the onli time my heart feels nth...crap,i wanna be like The Forsaken,they are undead and hv no feelings...

2007-11-28T19:27:00.000-08:00

andrew reminded me tat i have not been blogging,yup,i been wowing so much and stuff,i now feel like doing some writing alreadi...the past few days have been so fruitful...tonning mahjong at cheryl's house,going for prom and post prom...realli seen and learn much there too..due to inept english language,i shall not describe about the prom and post prom,i shall onli crap about it

prom was not too bad actually..much better den my secondary skool 1..80 bucks for the food and some entertainment there...not too bad...wats worth the money is the fact tat it bought happiness,or rather,the opportunity to see every1 happy.the gals dress up so nice,they look damn different from wat they normally look like..for the guys,whoa,vance is the man-of-the-match,the gals cooon over him...HAHA...but yup,i agree he look gd in tat outfit..now to post prom,it was in a club,DXO. at the start,we were worried vance couldn enter the place as its like less den ONE MONTH to his birthday,and they check month..so he took sean's ez-link with his babylike face,memorise the details on it and tried..HE PASS WITHOUT A PROBLEM!!ahahaaha..with the class inside,at first when i went in,its like soooooo bloody squeezy and the music is so loud its like a pacemaking for my heart.after a while,got used to it,went for 2 drinks(coke and rum and dry whisky) which i felt nth from it,den start dancing when i heard the dance floor is up.hahahaha i cant say i lost myself in it,but at least i had a good time dancing,its like a WORKOUT IN A SAUNA!!at first nth 1 leh,den after a while when the heat is up,crap,i was BURNING..but nvm la,i guess tats how it shud be like for clubbing...got out later and head bak to the hotel(marriotte) to rest and bath and stuff..yeahh..ITS BEEN SOOOO LONG SINCE I HAD SUCH FUN,IT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE A BORING PERSON.

hahaz tats about it for now,gonna blog everytime smth happens immediately,or else the feel drop off no fun alreadi..

2007-11-22T09:21:00.000-08:00

A LEVELS IS FINALLY OVER!!!AFTER MUCH HARD WORK AND MUCH MORE HARD WORK,ITS FINALLY OVER!!TIME TO ENJOY AND RECUPERATE!!

manz,tis situation has gotten the audiences worried sick...oh my...alright,out of kindness tat u all hv shown him,u all moved me.to YOU.yes,YOU.YOU noe who im talking about,im not gonna name u cos u noe it,and every1 noes you noes it.alright.wats the MAIN issue here?all the reasons,all the cause,action,effect,everything tat has happened,all boils down to 1 thing:immaturity. YOU are too immatured in the mind,and i am WILLING to give u chances so long as u mature MORE to b like the old u.maturity is NOT watching some1 mature and following his actions and speech,it has no depth if u do tat.maturity is not doing all the right things,but is doing the right things at the right time,treating the right people with the right respect.maturity involves much indepth thinking about things happening around YOU,maturity involves MUCH MORE,i cant say cos i haven achieve ALL of it,and one never will.YOU are free to find me through ANY portal of communication for ANY sort of help(with maturity pls),when u find me,juz have 1 criteria in mind:LISTEN,ABSORB,UNDERSTAND,LEARN,PORTRAY.ur english is gd enough,juz follow the oxford dictionary if u dun.

imma tell u tis too,me writing tis is gonna get myself BLACKLISTED into the hearts of ppl.but i dun care cos my life is worthless.if u dun wan urs to be less worthy,do the abovefollowed actions.i am prepare,lord hakkai sanzo,to face the wrath of every1.i put the hanging cord around my neck and invite any1 to pull the lever.thanks

2007-11-17T09:58:00.000-08:00

A levels is nearing an end...go for it!!chiong ahh!!!wat am i doing here blogging at 2am?lolz nth..juz feel bored..after all,1 CAN get bored waiting...there will still b another n days,where n is large.

incidents tat happened around,make me tink of kids now...are we too relaxed on them?so young,alreadi got 5 of them stealing and selling stolen stuff..mind u,stealing also include stealing thousands of dollars in total...tell parents,parents dun believe..wat to do?they will get punished by the law in future...but then again,IF i hv kids in future,i sure as hell will make sure i condemn stealing in front of them and make them fear stealing...lolz

tats bout it...sleep sleep!!

2007-11-07T09:57:00.000-08:00

middle of the A levels,but seems like the end..no,its not the end...yet..22th nov,waiting!!!the past few papers hv been quite alrite,totally different from singaporean standards..guess wouldn do too bad,nor too gd in it..oh well,leave the past papers to fate..

watch stardust ppl!!nice movie!!lolz..i dun wanna b spoiler,and the nice things cant b described by MY literature standards,so i wouldn try it...i learnt things from it man..impt things..lolz..

Its not about wat u do,wat u tink,wat u wan...is wat u feel,and tat pure feel from the heart tat will guide the rest of the path..get the correct feel,and u get wat is priceless..-mental note for me- in summary?basket,tis is hard.

2007-10-28T10:11:00.000-07:00

A levels are approaching,and its gonna b over veri fast...sian...everything i tink of me,i juz feel sad for myself...a soul and a body hving a mismatch..my soul is limitless,always rdy for the fight,but my body is juz too weak..damn condition..if i hv to avoid bleeding,den half my soul will b gone..lost like the winds...sian..look into the mirror,evaluate myself,1 veri obvious thing: dun hv a likable face. Dun deny it cos of denying or watsoever.its the truth.so truth muz b accepted.however,my soul yearns for 1..it is 1 of the reasons y its a mismatch. damn,i shud stop tinking,cos its a fallacies,its all my fantasy,dream,false hope..but if there are none,i fear i feel incomplete.

by year end,the torture will be over.i wouldn b tortured unless special circumstances call for it,which i wouldn drop in knowingly. i cant teach,cos u dun learn,my failure or urs,the result is ur own character,attitude. so what if u make urself a clone of me? what u make is but me of yesterday,one tat has not my heart or soul. its a loser thing,yet i hv to despise u for being such a loser..u of last yr is lost, and i miss him..u of tis yr,shud stay away from me,as i despise mimics. i cant change it,a natural me tat even i agree i cant change. happy life chasing other ppl's characters.

not wanted?not loved?rmb tat when one is loved but toss it away to seek their perfect love,one is inept to complain.ill rmb it when the time comes too.

recording of meeting 10294853 with heart ends. gd bye and hv a nice day

2007-10-09T09:10:00.000-07:00

I just remembered tat i had taken photos of some fancy schmancy thingamajig on the last day/s of school..these serves as great memories of the nice ppl i hv met..enjoy!! A farewell letter from ms Sab. Tan.Aww,how nice

Vance, the goddess of JC studies
And he upgraded to the goddess of cool headdress.
Joan sitting on the table showing off her..erm,legs.ok.
Sleeping in class on last day..Andrew studied too much-_-
We managed to rush out the class poster for the ceremony later..Turned out quite nice..great job audrey l. for the drawing,and every1 else for helping in anyway,from colouring to breathing our air.

If u look carefully, the third score is done by goh bing xing. personally,i tink its a waste of money. instead of throwing the balls into the drain, i rather buy some1 else a packet of chicken rice or play another game myself.

this is about it for tis post...until laterz!!

2007-10-08T08:05:00.000-07:00

I have graduated.

I had the grad day concert on friday,5th october. I first thing i ask myself,from my heart to my soul, will i miss the school?will i miss the people i met in the school?answer is,yes,most of everyone i met,i am gonna miss them..including 1t17 people,which im supposed to miss long ago,but,heck,its a refresh of memories either way...next,i ask myself,why do i miss them?large tankerful of reasons,but all point to 1 same main reason: THEY HAVE BEEN THE BEST PEOPLE I HAVE MET SO FAR,and for tat,i cherish them.i noe,in future,it is highly impossible tat i find such great people like them,for i still hold my stand about the cruel world. though i wish tat i will meet most of them again, friends always must have their own life,hence i wish them all the best in future endeavours.

i compare my mood to tat of grad day in queenstown...there is a BIG difference between them..in qtss(queenstown),i felt nothing for the skool,for the people in it,cos i do NOT miss any of my batch at all(jia yi is coming wif me),and quacko and others will meet up quite often(doesnt mean i dun treasure them too). in cj,i realli felt a sense of,sadness tat i am to leave sure a great skool wif somewhat a great society.

**dun ask me who i dun wanna see again from cj,those tat noes alreadi noes**

tats all i hv for tis update..until then

2007-09-29T09:58:00.000-07:00

nth to blog about,so i shall write some jokes tat intrigued me ALOT in reader's digest:

1) Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to santa.

2) The farmer takes a shortcut through his orchard to get to a nearby pond,carrying a bucket to bring back some fruit. Once he gets to the pond, he is surprised to see two girls skinny-dipping. They see him and immediately drop below the water. "we're not coming out until you leave!" shouts one of the girls. "I didn't come to watch you swim nakred," says the farmer,holding up the bucket. "I'm just here to feed the gators."

3) Scientists have identified a food that,once digested, can have negative effects on people's health that last for decades, including mood-swings in women, psychotic episodes in men and severe depression in both. It's called wedding cake.

LOLZ...tis is damn funny :P

2007-09-21T09:04:00.000-07:00

I wonder...

either i noe wat i lack yet cannot change it as it is inbornt,or i dunno wat i lack at all...somehow,i feel as if my soul and my body is a mismatch..i was to be borned tall and proud,yet im now in a meek small body tat is unable to fulfill the desires of the heart..with tis comes desperation...i need to seek an answer..i NEED to...

i wait...and shall wait...forever and ever...and ever...and rmb to rmb wat i had said...or else..im an irony..

its time to start straining myself for the great battle...TO ARMS!

2007-09-17T08:27:00.000-07:00

This reminds me of some fancy schmancy thingamagij story that i read about somewhere..-_- that is pure stupid...really pure stupid...Guess im DESTINED to be rexxar..what luck..now what i gotta do is just to curb it...suppress it till its flattened like a shadow...like what i always do in the past...

somehow,i feel tat i shouldn hv chosen the light when i was 1..i should hv stayed in the dark,and wait another thousand years burning for a better 70 years of light...wat a damn waste of 70 years...

Return me to the darkness, where i cant see the light, cant hear a thing, cant feel the warmth...so that i can never learn to yearn for it

2007-09-16T10:16:00.000-07:00

Its been some time since i blogged...juz typed in whats in my head now...

prelims is over...no,i shudn b saying tat..nth's ended,everything's started...the A levels,the path of life till death...its just the beginning...the beginning alreadi sucks so much...how bout the future?damn it...i realli hope i hv 1 tat realli is willing to walk with me this life,and me,wif her...but yeah,though it seems real,i hv no idea if its real.....you make me wanna ask the golden question...plsss,give me a more obvious hint...u give me a warm feeling,but i dunno if it is realli ur intention,or its juz the natural you. sry i am noob><

on a darker side, its been long and its still the same...i guess i am tired of it...nop,not gonna fix it anymore...how sad tat the past is but the past...

Mark My Words: if i dun hunt you down this life,ill do it next,and if i dun,the next...till i get your blood on my hands

how mixed i am...is it a good thing or a bad?

2007-08-31T22:11:00.000-07:00

Amazing videos!!Courtesy of a bored vege...

The REAL fighter: 1 hit knockout karate chop
http://karate-chop.freeonlinegames.com/

The TOTAL flexible boneman: the limbo man
http://limbo-man.freeonlinegames.com/

The ABLED man: the disabled dancer
http://disabled-dancer.freeonlinegames.com/

2007-08-28T08:58:00.000-07:00

This is seriously stupid...who stares at others from the side and gets caught doing it without pissing the person being watched off?

2007-08-23T10:34:00.000-07:00

Tributes to Mr Howe Yoon Chong, who passed on a few days ago..One who planned the changi airport and psa port,=help singapore in MANY ways...although cursed for his cpf plans,i tink he deserve better den tat..singaporeans in time will NOT come to see its uses,cos its retards who kp,and he planned tis cpf for retards..talk about protecting the unworthy..

so late and still making tributes?not bo liao,but have juz decided to sleep..oh well...i look bak,down,front,few things to look forward to...after tis most recent change in me,i feel void within..although i hope i dun change bak,i nid smth to fill the void..damn..

prelims?die le...try chionging but cmi...no time..can onli head straight to As...

2007-08-21T08:43:00.000-07:00

This really sucks...i really got a bad feeling bout the prelims..everything in the schedule is pushed back,all but the prelim time...plus,b4 prelim still got tests...as in,test wat?dun nid to study meh?veri veri stupid..the result of this?im gonna do wat i can for my prelims,but i wouldn hope high...mayb 2Fs this time...

An ace of ignoramus...wat can i say?every talent is backed by a weakness...everyone has tat...juz how obvious it is...and i pretty sure am seeing it right in the face...

The prom nite...wat an issue..somehow,i feel tat arguements from both sides are rather dense-_-...go or dun go,is juz whether u wan it or not...is about experiences and how we react to it...either way,i guess there is a high chance im going...

Sian...i tink i hv nth to blog about...juz trying to refresh the entry-_-

2007-08-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

"omg,im sooooo cute" ; "im soooo cool mannnn" ; "im sooooooo smart what i say is the absolute FACT" ; "im soooooo funny...i absolutely am sooooooo wanted" ; "im sooooooooo hot, im the most good looking guy around here"

All these projecting outta u, juz wanna make me hurl....go suck ur own thumb loser..

Sorry,just have to rant...i realli feel hot under the collar now...feel like going on a massacre..damn it,im realli getting evil-_-

2007-07-27T23:36:00.000-07:00

A problem never to be solved: Why do the guys hv to ALWAYS do most of the work for class things,and the others get to skive all the work?The dustbin painting thing is a perfect example...We got ppl who was rushing for home and did a blotchy job on the paintwork...We got people who are supposed to do the planning but instead takes the earlier few planes home..Lastly,we got ABIT of ppl,ppl like mojo,audrey k,cheryl,denise,amenda and kitti who stayed bak and HELPED out..gotta thank them for it..imagine if we had sticked to my original plan:let them rot and die, what will happen...

In summary,if a bomb drops and the guys all die,the class is gonna get SCREWED big time

On a brighter note,after the stupid paint job,shane,vance and me went to watch the simpsons...andrew and bx couldn go cos of the time consumed by the paint job...was actually damn funny,like,laugh until cry?lolz humor cannot be described in words,so i shall not try it..lolz

Something bout me tat i dunno if it is right or not...i feel tat my heart is hardening(not literally,vance),and i dunno if it is good or not...Somehow,being in class is quite torturous...apart from being unable to see the stupid white(purple)board,i cant freaking concentrate at all...Is tis gonna be like the end of my endurance?I hope so/not (circle any answer u tink is correct)

sian,its time to get studying...TO ARMS!!

2007-07-15T08:17:00.001-07:00

Hmmm looking at the subjects and tinking bout how to study(or revise) them,i am quite at a loss...

Lets see...GP seems quite on the go...didnt score high,but feeling better bout writing and expressing in Standard English(not tat im veri gd,but better)..gotta thank ms lok for tat..geog,i am quite stuck with the economic geog part...cant seem to do well in it...and i dunno how to...see maths..i still tink i hv not done enouf to be as confident as last time..Chem...I understand the concepts and stuff,juz tat i nid to spend a lot of time during the exams...no idea on how to fix tat either...bio...goddamn it..1 of my worst subject..y?cos i am most interested in it,yet i cant score shit for it..i been digging for qns,and cant find any..dude,i tink im doomed-_-

The Bleak future stares back at me in the face..wat to do?

2007-07-02T10:19:00.001-07:00

Pictures from the class outing which bcame the guys outing..lolz

Human pyramid 1

Human pyramid 2

Sandman..rated R(A)

SandWOman...Look fake cos none of us hv seen a real model..lolz

when u put them tgr and add vance's love,TIS is wat u get

Vance wearing G-string?!?!?Can it be real?!?

How Can G-string look like tis?gotto b some new fad around?

2007-06-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

At last,Mid years is over...After all the time spent TRYING to study,1 part of tis studious journey is over...it is a joy,but as the joy comes,so do i sense a shadow looming overhead: The A levels...damn it..all the crap now is as difficult as it gets alreadi,but there are worst to come?manz im beginning to get bored of examinations...we realli are tested on our genetic makeup for the current education system,not our willingness to work hard or even the ABILITY to work hard..sick of it..totally..

For now,my "hunger" is gone,taken over by the will to stand my own ground and only my own..MINE AND ONLY MINE...like the cut-down phrase:

Never be captivated by anyone

Live your life your way just as you are

Reminds me..things hv not changed..still as disgusting as ever..I remember last time i used to say,I tink i live my life just to give others..let others make use of and stuff..now,i tink i hv grown tired of giving...nor hv i caught up with taking from others..i just stand my own ground i guess..

About my second half...well,i guess i can only wait..for her to come..i tried initiating many times alreadi,mayb to subtle,but yup,always over wat comfortable threshold i hv..so,wat can i do?i can only wait...and wait..Your hands are soft,just as how you are

Guess tis is all for it..mayb ill update when i feel like it again..

2007-06-18T03:22:00.000-07:00

for all u non-professional singers out there,tis is gonna put u to shame:

http://talented-girl.freeonlinegames.com/

Next time i tink of using my voice to create sounds,i better rmb tis video O_O

2007-06-08T09:31:00.000-07:00

Insecurities: what are they?

Insecurities is an underestimation of oneself,such that one is afraid of losing something very much. By constant thoughts of losing someone, one tends to have tighter reins on people around him/her. This may lead to paranoia, where what he/she do will cause irritation in other people. The root cause of insecurites stem from the variations in all life forms,including humans. By each person having different abilities and disabilities, one may fear losing others,people such as friends or spouses due to their disabilities. Hence, such people tend to do things which may be very constricting to the people they are afraid to lose. The latter will find the former irritating,and will move away from the former. The former,seeing that the latter is further away,come even closer to the latter,which will cause the latter more irritation. Hence in the end, the latter and the former will inevitably split.

How to cure/prevent the problem of insecurity? One rule of thumb: security is actually an ability on the part of everyone. Ask around, and you will find that many people,especially girls,prefer to hang out with people who are secure. I remember many girls i know telling me that they like guys who are secure. Hence, the problem of insecurity can be cured directly by not forcibly shoving urself into the middle of ur friends/spouse,and allow ur inner peace to take over u,such tat u will not feel the fear of losing. Another way to combat insecurities is by making use of ur abilities. Know them,know how to use them appropriately. A warning would be to get carried away,which would be termed as,Arrogance. By knowing ur abilites, one can actually feel secure to know that they are not completely useless.

In conclusion, whenever one feels insecure,look back and ask urself,what is the root of it?Will keeping this feeling actually be beneficial? Approriate answers AND actions/inactions will help to prevent insecurities from reaching reality.

Whatever material from this passage comes from what i feel, and has no scientific prove or credibility. Its purpose is only for entertainment for readers,who can choose to believe or disbelieve what i say.

This passage stems from the talk wif rosel there,who had complains on my tagboard that her fone bill would be very high due to the talks on sms,and claims she is not complaining. Ironical. Thanks though for keeping me company when my internet is down:P

2007-06-07T21:38:00.000-07:00

waaaaaa....1.5 week without internet is seriously a pain in the ass...after much quarrels and arguments wif my brother,my mother finally stepped in and decided tat we call starhub person come and fix the net + change new modem...since our modem is 5 yrs old...old dog alreadi..now...got net,+ faster net and stuff,woot!!

2007-05-19T18:32:00.000-07:00

Been realli long since i hv blogged...my intellectual flow is quite interrupted,and my draft is still on the operation table with onli the blueprint bside it...

Had our sports day on friday...frankly speaking,i am quite content with the fact tat we managed to win at least 2 matches in the handball game...last match was a fraud,but 4get bout it...they r bad winners anyway...ya noe,its been quite some time i hear 2t30 cheering so loud and so happy after a SPORTS game...The jersey had little complain(mayb cos i didnt hear them) and thus a heavy load off my shoulders(yup,thanks joan:P)...Even had a fan club there at T03...LOLZ kinda cool,but yeah,damn funny people there with funny reactions...overall,i guess tat i been rather happy bout the sports day...

setting to work bout the class...initial response from first person is rather gd...he listens and reflects well...i wouldn worry bout him...the other 2...seem to hv some problem i tink...damn hard to tink of how to put it across to them...though the first person and me will try,no response guarenteed...meanwhile,ill get the chance to purge myself of my sins and move on due to the prophetress(female prophet) handing my reins bak to me...O_O

mid yrs are coming...damn it..i tink it suck...so pushed down with work tat dun even hv time to study..i dun freaking wanna fail my geog anymore.....grrrrrr...

tats bout it...hope i hv the mood to finish tat draft-_-...and well,laterz ppl

2007-05-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

Living a life with 1.23 x 10^23 atm seems to just make me snap...Living a life where the onli path is against the stream makes me irritated...Hard life manz...

1 of the reasons why i hate shadows are cos they are copyright infringement...worst,shadows hardly hv any quality checks...but somehow,shadows juz keep following me...to dessipate the shadow,i need to shatter the light...shud i?nah,let them follow me so tat i noe there is always 1 person inferior to me...

Seems my life is fated to be filled with hardships...perhaps my life is a loophole of natural selection?who knows...

I guess i do sound realli messy here...and random too...so i summarise using tis quote from saito(unknown to most of u):Gather your thoughts,and put them into words. My result?RRRRRRRRRROOOOAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!

2007-04-29T04:05:00.000-07:00

interesting video here..enjoy:P

2007-04-28T09:40:00.000-07:00

Its been rather long since i blog...not cos i hv nth to talk about...but its juz tat i hv no time to blog...doesnt mean now i hv time though...

im juz up now cos i dun feel like wasting tis part of my life sleeping...it like,how much of my time do i hv being alone?sometimes,even when i wanna plan my own life,i get pushed around like a robot...dammit...i juz hate it...even relaxing also got problem...

grrrrrrrrrrr....i dun wish for anything more den my own life....(somehow i feel tis is an understatement to how i am feeling now,but yeah,my language is compromised,and tis is wat i can say now)

so many things happened...so many problems arose tis yr...seriously hard to take it...the tot of more problems coming sickens me...*tsk*

in summary...SIAN

2007-04-18T05:48:00.000-07:00

Flame in my heart,fury in my soul...is it me who is more irritatable,or is it the factors tat irritates me increase in amplitude?

I am not worthy to interfere with your smile.

Happiness seems so far away, now that there is me being contented and many things which makes me discontented.

2007-04-12T06:43:00.000-07:00

After Mel Ho scolded Dalvin for giving panadol to a friend whose full medical condition is unknown,it got me tinking...and i realised,Im a helpless fag when it comes to giving first aid now...my lovely first aid kit is gone,and i still am suffering from the recession of losing my bag...my first aid cert. is expired,meaning tat i cant give help when ppl gets hurt on the road...It sucks to be so useless.

Damn it,i wanna take my first aid test,but,i dun even hv the 4 days required...-_-

People always ask...Why izzit tat i train myself even though i hv tis heart condition?Am i not afraid of dying?My answer is always,I do not wan my medical condition to be an excuse for being weak. True, but not the most fundamental reason i guess...I still remember...Sec 1..how I was weak...and literally bullied...get pushed around,get thrashed...From then on,I told myself,To NEVER again be so weak tat i cant even defend myself...If i cant even defend myself,wat of people i sought to protect?I will again be a helpless worm?NO...I will NOT allow such situation to happen...therefore,i train myself,in defense,to protect myself,and more importantly,to protect others...Fear of death?I would say no...I get gross out by methods to die,and not death itself..No reason why...

I sometimes do get exasperated by something called redistribution of wealth and power...i mean,of course we should help people with difficulties,but not every1,when accepting help,will strive to improve...these are the people tat do not deserve such help,and shud always remain poor...similarly,people do not hv power for reasons...either they dun deserve it,or giving them power breeds problems...therefore,wat good would it do if one juz ask for wealth and power but not strive for it?such people actually deserves none...

However,society tends to go towards helping every1,including those who do not deserve it...after all,sacrificing the deserving is wasteful..so..its up to us individuals to kill off those who are not deserving:P

Im such an unfeeling asshole...

2007-04-03T07:50:00.000-07:00

Damn it...stupid teacher tat spoilt my entire day sia...go home do hw of tat subject,dunno how do den tink bak on tat lesson to recall,den hear tat stupid voice saying all the bullshit...juz pisses me off...take it lightly...sure...it will fade off in time...but for now,to hell wif him!

pe is DAMN farny...imagine a bunch of J2s playing catching in the auditorium extension...PRO recommendation from our BELOVED pe teacher...lolz...rain,cannot play game...den other class playing frizbee outside...we tell him,he turned,look,den turn bak,"they realli playing game?"...LOLZ...like,DUH...try playing a fake game...-_-...

damn it,teachers can be exasperating sometimes...

2007-03-31T23:24:00.000-07:00

Can ya beat tis pro?i bet i cant:P

A Jamaican man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.
Here is your first question, the foreman Said. "Without using numbers,
represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Jamaican says, "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Jamaican.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Jamaican stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "here you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this
Jamaican, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but
represent the number 100."
The Jamaican stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "here you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Jamaican leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred."

"So, when I start?

2007-03-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

Tinking bak of the days where i had fun in secondary skool...the sec 2-3 AV team...actually,onli the AV times tat i truely had fun i guess...till now,still rmb the first time we clean out the machine room under the burning sun,and we juz took off our shirts and went into it for 5 hrs straight...after tat,mdm mabel goh was kind enouf to order pizza for us and allow us to eat in the avt...the bill was 150 bucks...damn it,she is generous...there is still when we were doing the bakstage in skool functions...when all the stupid mic and stuff starts going haywire...practically ran 2.4km to get all the things right...Not forgetting the mp camps,where we can do all the crap we want...play cards through the nite,walk around talking,even got the sofa up there...damn it,we were privileged...

The good teachers...Mr sim first up...remember how many times we sent us home in his cute lil car 1 by 1,even late at nite...after cross country,we go out eat steamboat...den he sent us home...5 ppl in the car wif a road block some 50m from us...lolz...i veri appreciate it, and still do...still remember the graduation night,after the entire thing,i couldn get a taxi...stuck for like,30mins...den ran into him...and he let me get on his car and drove me home...till now also veri touched...b4 skool functions,he will get the programme list early and gather us to talk to us about the planning...who to position where,who to do wat...and we can always reach a point where every1 is happy and rdy to give their fullest...tat rox man...

next up is mdm cynthia chang...form teacher from sec 1-2,and av teacher too...during sec 1 and 2,i was at my most chaotic moments...when she stepped in and pulled me bak...prevented me from sinking into the wrong path...even when its not her job to do so...i respect her veri much for that...plus,she is veri veri nice,and show respect even kids like me...tat is 1 of the best thing about a teacher...

tributes to them and the former AV club in qtss! lolz y did i start talking about them...is when i juz came home from going out wif doug and guys,and we shared cab...den it was raining,and i felt kinda comfortable tat i am in a cab out of the rain,and i rmb tat was also the case wif mr sim driving us home...yeah...so juz feel like writing it out,thanking them wherever they may be

2007-03-22T03:32:00.000-07:00

I deviated from me for u...i will not do it again...

As the days goes past, the different characters of people i been marking are getting more defined. We got 1, who wants superiority over us, and will juz throw his weight(mayb literally too) around...we got another, who cares onli for those tat will give the person benefit. Of course, there is he who can amaze me wif his theories and the way he puts his points across...hmmm...lets just say it is fate...

The timetable is bullshit,no doubt...we end at 4-5 wif maximum of 4 breaks, and there is nth we can do about it...blame the wide diversity of subject combinations we hv,if you may...but i guess there cannot be a better solution than a sacrifice,no?IF we are to see tis as a torture and harp on it,den it gets us nowhere...IF we are to turn the tables around and make use of the time,den we gonna benefit...2 options,to change others or ourselves...since the former fail,the latter must occur...Splitting up the class,tat is a selfish action...i feel i am inept to even support it,let alone initiate it...so,yeah...TIS is life now,lets go into it headfirst and let us sink happily!!:P

Luck is still bad...tink it will happen for the rest of the year...while i hv bad luck,im still tinking how to reverse and put it to gd luck...LOLZ...few can help me ba...realli realli few...

2007-03-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

Heres an interesting story...Believe in it or not,its up to ya:

One day, a scorpion needed to cross a wide river. There is no paths it could take to cross the river. A frog came along, and the scorpion asked if the frog could carry the scorpion across the river. The frog said, 'I am not a fool, once you are on my back, you will sting me and i will die'. The scorpion replied,'If i am to sting you, then i will drown as you die. I will not do it'. The frog, on hearing this, threw his worries apart, carried the scorpion and started swimming. However, halfway through the river, the scorpion stung it straight at the back. The frog felt the painful sting and the cold poison, and started to die. As the frog and scorpion started to sink, the frog ask,' Why do you sting me? You will kill yourself too'. The scorpion replied,' I know, but i can't help it. It is my natural instinct.'

Forget all the bump back to reality. Looking directly in the story, I feel it is possible to pull back your instincts. Just dun let some pretty lameass excuse catalyst your negative instincts. If one doesn't stand back and look at how people react to what you do, den u r overtaken by ur instinct...or it can be said, all human's selfish,arrogant instinct.

2007-03-13T23:50:00.000-07:00

Nothing much to say...dun even wanna say anything much, cos it is as good as not saying anything

2007-03-02T07:23:00.000-08:00

fuck it...tis is 1 of the most unlucky day i ever had till now...

i got a C for chinese A levels,and i hv to retake it and go for an A...check it out,i am just on par wif my other subjects...add in 1 more,i gonna blow...plus my standard now realli is C..i realli dunno how to study for it...really

tis thing already sian me down already...wat next?i lost my fucknig bag in the fucking lan shop...including half my chem lect notes,my pencil box,both calculators,first aid kit and water bottle...fuck,how...i ask u...FUCK...

look bak,it is my fault...yeah...dun leave things lying around...i been losing things when im playing b4...last time got wallet,got hp...now,a fucking big bag?wat am i gonna lose next?the love of my life?i better be more fucking alert and responsible and look after all tat i hv,or else i will have NOTHING left...

I SO WANNA TURN LEFT,JUMP THRU THE WINDOW AND FLY HEADFIRST INTO THE CONCRETE PATH...MY LIFE IS A MISTAKE,LET IT END...FUCK IT LA

2007-02-22T06:38:00.000-08:00

Selfish people are all around the world,in every corner and every side..Evaluate the causes and consequences of the propagation of selfish people.

Firstly, what are selfish people? This specific group refers to those that cares not for others, and will do anything for themselves, even at the fatal expense of others. Use the assumption that the world is made up of only 2 kind of people, the selfish and the selfless.

The selfish, owing to their nature of taking down others for their own gain, tend to survive better in society today as it involves the exploitation of others, in particular the selfless ones, thus are able to mature and produce offsprings.

The selfless, owing to their nature of giving more and taking less, tend to avoid pulling others down, thus are considered to be easy prey for exploitation for the selfish. Therefore, many are routed before they can mature and produce offsprings.

As this trend goes on, more and more selfish people produced, and less selfless people exist. It is further accelerated by the fact that the selfless sometimes convert to become selfish so as to survive. However, there are times where the selfish attacks the other selfish people, allowing for the selfless to take advantage of the situation and propagate. Therefore, the large amount of selfish people in this world is explained, with the minute presense of the selfless people accounted for.

What are the consequences of having a world dominated by the selfish? The world will be filled with verbal arrows, filled with a maze of tubes connecting everyone together,and the life being sucked out of them through the tubes. This world will be a world of hatred, a world of distrust, a world where humanity will fall and evolve to new species. This world,is the armagaddon of humanity ONLY.

In conclusion, selfish people only end up slacking and slashing themselves. Join the selfless ones, and live ur short life to the fullest knowing u have done what is good.

p.s : i am definitely selfish too,but to some extent. I will NEVER, allow people around me to be harmed, thus i need to be selfish to achieve this, but selfish not in the offensive way,but in the defensive way.

I have been stabbed so many times already,yet i will not fall. Let those who deserve to die,die,and those who deserve to live,live. ><><

2007-02-18T07:20:00.000-08:00

i asked myself,wat do i do if wat happened is to happen again?do i kill,or do i spare?now,i found myself asking tis question again...and my answer?to kill

2007-02-15T05:55:00.000-08:00

Ahh...its been quite some time since i blog...been wanting to type for some time alreadi...since now i hv the energy,i juz try to type wat i remember..

1) damn irritating ppl...2 of them,actually...1,is a person who is not well liked in the first place...i wonder wats got into him,with tat ego boost and stuff...but it definitely doesnt spell good for him if he manage to make me lose my head...2nd person is 1 whom i feel my friends hv placed their trust wrongly. its like,treating him like a human,he in turn treat us not even a worm...in other words,he MUST be superior in us in ALL ways...i cant figure out the reasons><...oh well,an inept on my part...

2) finally,the interact secret cupid thing is finally over...its actually been the thing tat is tiring me out...all the work and stuff...gives me a good hands on lesson about flowers...at least not so clueless alreadi ><...evaluating the project,as i would like to call it,i feel tat it is not a complete rout,yet not a complete success...here are the points tat i feel is good:

-the in-charge does a good time plan,and is willing to put in alot of time and effort to make it work
-the in-charge is at least willing to listen to suggestions
-the in-charge(yet again) is able to ask nicely for help if she nids it

now,the points tat i tink shud be improved:
-basically,though the time plan is gd,the organization is bad. During the wrapping of the flowers,u can see different groups at different table,all doing everything,from wrapping to tying. Instead, there shud b a production line, where 1 group can dethorn,1 group can prepare the flowers for wrapping,1 group can wrap the flower,den the ppl holding the order list can sort out the flowers
-the members do things without heart. it means tat they juz anyhow do,so long as got wrap,can liao,dun care the quality. the results? the flowers r wrapped in damn ugly styles...the ribbon are also tied without any beauty. the stem of the flowers r not cut,the flowers cant take in water,therefore many flowers died or dying the next morning. got 1 pail of flowers,the water level is like,3/4 of the pail,and ppl dump in the wrapped flowers. the paper ALL wet,and it looks like shit.
-not enouf pail. the flowers all got squashed tgr. as shane said,roses nid space,and there certainly aint space for the roses and gerberas. wats more,some of the flowers are pushed down the bucket,causing 2 of them to miss the eyes of the gals and didnt take out the tight wrapping on the rose.den those squashed,also veri bad,dmged in a sense.
-damn it,we got lotsa slackers can?slackers not as in sean,sit down there...he at least got do stuff also...but how bout the person tat is SUPPOSED to do alot of work?onli do his own thing onli...den wan draw manpower from the workers somemore...tis kinda person,i call a loser.

3)i made 1 of the biggest mistake of my life in valentine's day. not gonna elaborate on it,but yeah,sorry for tat,it was realli my mistake for being a chicken>< ...when on the bus bak home,i realised...tat i actually hv lost myself over time...tat i am slowly but steadily not me...i do not noe the reason,but i hv no intention to let myself draw bak into tat pathetic state...so,in summary,im me again!!:P

tat is about all...guess got some other things tat i cannot say,or else i get sued for deframing ppl...oO

2007-02-01T05:26:00.000-08:00

A taste of 2 situations containing the wicked side of humans in 2 days?Tat got me tinking...seriously.

First is the Asian Cup held at the National Stadium, where it was Singapore against Thailand. I had always seen Thais being passive and easy to get along with...but it seems tat the match shows an exception. The pathetic tricks used by the Thai players do show how one can resort to unscrupulous means just to try and turn the tide around. I started watching the match when Singapore had scored 1 goal..To tell the truth,i felt tat Singapore was playing rather better den wat i would expect them to be. But the opposing team, which is supposed to be called 'the big brother in asian soccer' had disappointed me completely. From when i started watching to half time, they had been falling down 5 seconds after each other in a bid to score free kicks and perhaps cause the singapore team to absorb yellow cards. However, all the acting that they put up with made the game a big joke. 5 people had feigned injury and carried out of the field when the whistle for the first half blew. It did not help when my bro said tat they were bak to normal the second they reached the bench.

The best performance made was the walkoff from the field when the referee awarded singapore wif a penalty kick in response to the thai defender pulling the singapore striker down. The performance makes me wanna PUKE, it shows the anti-sportsmanship of the thai soccer players. i will not condemn the entire nation over soccer, but, i hv second tots when the attitude of the thais are brought up.

Next up is the incident tat happened in skool, which is the confiscation of andrew's fone. i feel tat the confiscation was too hard a punishment when it is used not for any entertainment,but easier way of collecting information. i agree fully that the teacher have a right to confiscate it if it is seen,but confiscation is still too strict a move. Other than a teacher,he hv been seen as a friend. It is an irony tat one sees another as a friend and another sees one as,well,not a friend.

I had contemplated whether to write over to ask for a lighter sentence for andrew,but from my inference of him, i feel tat it would b of no effect, and he can use the written document as an example to oust us. below is wat i infer his character as. take note tat it may not be true, but i had tried my best to make it mild.

Inferring from the attitude given, it seems like we are not even a worm in his eyes. There is evidence of bias towards females, especially the types tat do not make noise. Of course, A.L hv been an exception,always been called by him a bimbo. It is actually referring to her style of expressing herself. Also, he is well acquitted by studious students from the bio lessons, and have shown tat he is not happy unless he emerges out of anything as a superior person. Therefore, from all these,i can say tat we,the students tat hv lower patience towards the curriculum, are low down creatures in his eyes, and that he, must be superior to us. Thus,i feel the problem lies not in his role as an educator, but his personality itself.

With this post,i risk being called up and humiliated in front of god knows how many people, but i am unable to leave such unfairness open. If you are reading this, my fate is in ur hands, show me how sick u can get.

2007-01-31T03:18:00.000-08:00

This post is not made to support anyone,oppose anyone,in response to anyone nor finding people to flame me or support me...it is to get tis load off myself whenever the topic of politics is spoken,just like the lecture today.

-p.s: do bear in mind tat all are only MY opinions,and may not necessary be true

What is the 2 main groups in a country?A form of governance and the citizens. The citizens work and live in the country,and the government work to keep the country in order. What order? To allow development, to ensure the social and economical well-being of a country. However, it cannot be denied that the work of politics is always an issue in all countries.

Politics in a country refer to the struggle between the various organisations,or political parties, so as to be able to govern the country. In a democratic country, the political party is chosen by the population, the citizens. Thus, the people always have the right to vote and choose who they want to lead them(choosing does not necessarily means it is always fulfilled,but to push the politics meter a teeny weeny bit to 1 side).

Now lets talk about Singapore. I shall discuss the people in the form of the general masses, those that u see often in the streets, not the rich nor the poor,but the average. From the eyes of one who have seen the work of youngsters,teenagers and some adults alike, i feel that the people are generally more selfish in their thoughts and actions(of course there will be exceptions), people who push blames to others,people who reeks wif arrogance at the slightest achievement, people who abuses the weak, etc etc. therefore, the government MUST adjust its policies to suit the country,to make sure that the country is secure, is in order. Thus, the government policies can tell one the general, or more dominant characteristics of the people. IF...i said IF because i am creating a scenario here, the government is considered to be bad and corrupted, it only means that the people is bad and corrupted. It works both ways. In the case of Singapore, if the people are selfish, the government MUST have policies so that the selfish will not be able to exploit others and take advantage of them. Thus, laws and preventive policies are set so that people are kept in check, so that the order of the country is kept. After all, the chinese saying,'to remain safe even if the door is left wide open at night', does not apply in modern society.

I am sure that everyone have at one point of time or another,heard of this phrase,'power corrupts the human soul'. Therefore,the more power,authority,control a person have,the more evil his actions will be,is that true?I noe tat it is true for myself. Tat is why i always refrain from allowing myself to accumulate too much power,lest i lost control of myself. Then,i will not be the original me. However,i cannot deny that many acts of human atrocities are due to the fact that they have the power to make people suffer without themselves having any side effects(to deal wif the law etc etc). Therefore, power can corrupt the human soul

On another note,is it power that corrupt the human soul, or or is it power that awakens the evil side of humans?i choose to believe the latter. It is not possible that one becomes darth vader,unless there is a darth vader inside him. Since we are all humans, that will mean that all humans have a dark side in them,some are on the exterior and some in the interior. Thus, to have peace, humans must go extinct,no?

However, are we the only one with the dark side? How about other organisms, the adorable dolphins, or the devilish shark? Every organism are guilty of consuming another so as to ensure their own survival. Now tat sounds like a correct thing now,harming another. Lets get back to humans. We do not eat other humans(though some ppl do),but we kill them,or disable them so that we are able to reign superior. Natural selection happens among species, it also happens among we humans. Therefore, life is to continuously kill off the weaker ones and develop into better species,natural selection hv to take place. It is the nature of life.

In conclusion, if one does not want politics to happen, all life forms are to be extinguished,becos life seeks to hv more power,and more power decays the morality of life forms.(tis may be far off from my last few paragraghs, but seems to link:P)

For people who have displeasure viewing this post, please do not start an argument. I prefer a discussion,with acceptance of ideas from both sides. So,yeah,tats bout all

2007-01-22T05:30:00.000-08:00

Sometimes in class,i get tis ringing in my ears..it is not a medical condition...it is my response to things which irritates me...things i hear...of course i try not to show it,but den again,it will well up in me and threaten to break hold from my control...

prejudice,one might say...prejudice against them...i willl say,no...i have no prejudice,yet i hold them with much distain...reason lies with their actions...their character...i...dunno how to explain,nor do i wanna do it here...but let me do tis to vent my irritation:

gbhshshsdhsdhstrherhrthjydetyjetyjghjjtrjr

-damn it,i am getting old and cranky-

2007-01-19T03:53:00.000-08:00

lolz bio lessons nowadays can be rather interesting...with the talk of darwin's theory of evolution and stuff,i am beginning to relate all these to humanity,juz 1 of the species on earth...

lets see...natural selection supports the survival of the fittest,meaning tat those tat are strong will live and those tat are weak will die...in mankind,who,den,are considered strong?the strong are those who are better in terms of status and power,those are the ones tat hv relative advantage and thus,will live on to survive to propagate their genes...now now,considering 2 groups of ppl: the selfish and the selfless. who are likely to survive?selfish ppl tend to keep the best for themselves and not share them,while the selfless tend to take care of the weaker and share wat resources they hv...over time,the selfish will dominate the selfless since the selfish are better equipped and stuff,and the selfless,stripped of all the neccessity,are forced to die.

lets take another example,the cunning and the honorable.who will survive?of course it is the cunning,for the honorable will be stabbed and made use of,and thus reaped nth in the end,while the cunning takes everything. thus, the cunning are considered the fitter one.

therefore,can i conclude tat as natural selection takes place,more ppl with traits considered by me as despicable are able to survive better and propagate their genes,forming another generation of ppl with more negative traits?are humanity realli driving towards a selfish and evil evolution?hmmm...

the newest lecture teaches me: guys try to impress gals,gals are choosy over which guys to take. is it true in the society today?in my opinion,i tink tat tis is VERI true. look around you,do u see such trend happening on ppl around u?juz the break today,i see a guy trying to impress those freshman gals with pathetic magic tricks on the lighter-_-...due to its ability to sicken me,i shall not elaborate further. gals?i see tat many of them tend to choose ppl with a better physical appearance, and looks at everything except the true character. can i say tat they are choosy?

on another note,all these are natural,they help us to evolve and hv better offsprings...understandable. however,y is it tat bacteria and viruses are evolving much faster den us?hv scientific medicine slowed down the process of natural selection by saving the weaker,causing human to be more vulnerable to the ever changing viruses and bacteria?hmmm.

In summary,i am sooo gonna get owned by natural selection

2007-01-10T07:04:00.000-08:00

hmmm...its been rather some time since i blog,so i shall do so now...the topic for tis entry would b 1 word:BackStab

tis action is reminded by the watching of a channel 8 show,war and beauty,deplicting the constant backstab of palace maids and women in order to win the favour of the king. It also reminds me of the various backstab that i had taken,which left me scarred to this very day. so, i will just write what is in my mind,with some use of better english.

backstabbing,it happens frequently in tis complex world tat we live in. let me define what is backstabbing(my version of it). It is the term used generally to describe an action or a series of action of causing harm to a person,without the victim having knowledge of it. It's metaphor can be described by the word, poison. A successful backstab will have extremely painful negative effects on the victim, while a failed backstab, once caught and exposed, will caused devastating effects on the one who initiated it.

A backstab can come in many different forms, with many different cause. However, all have the same agenda- to make sure that the victim would be harmed without the initiator being found out. Therefore, it is very difficult to detect a backstab,let alone counter it. Exposing it would be out of question, due to the fact that even the earliest detection would have had negative impact on the victim,and the victim would have the mistrust of others. Worst, the victim might be accused of trying to backstab the initiator, which would have dire consequences. Therefore, backstabs are the most dangerous type of attack that 1 should try to defend from.

Talking about the danger of backstabs, how do one defend themselves from such atroscious acts?the best way i could think of is the PREVENT it. As the saying goes,prevention is better than cure,i find that this is true for such acts. However,prevention can only be done with much difficulty. 1 way is to act stupid,so that u will be seen as a lesser threat to others. Another way would be following the saying,Attack is the best defense,which is to backstab the person first before he strikes. One can also be wary and anticipate his attacks so that it would be useless on you.

Personally,i use only the wary part,with some reasons. I am passive unless provoked, and thus i do not favour striking at others. I also have no skills that will b considered a threat to others,so tat is out. Thus, being wary would be best. Due to the countless backstabs tat i received from secondary school, i hv honed my technique to read ppl, only to use it against backstabs. Also, i made clear to myself that i hold backstabbers with much distain,thus any action of backstab would be condemned.

Now, why does humans backstab others of its own kind? It is well known that humans are the only species on Earth that will destroy their own kind, but what is the ultimate reason for all this? From a biological point of view, I think that this is due to Natural Selection, or the survival of the Fittest. I do not use these keywords without fully understanding their meanings, but i feel that these words best describe the reason for the backstabbing nature of humans. As it is taught, an organism aims to propagate as many of its own kind as possible, but humans are different. Humans want to ensure their OWN personal survival, and to do that, they must remove as many threats to themselves as possible, hence the backstabbing nature. Wars of the past are fought with sword and honor, Wars of the present are fought on backstabs and intellectual destruction.

In conclusion, backstabs are done so that one can survive in this scheming world, and the better the backstabber, the higher the chance of survival. Instead of adopting a backstabbing attitude to counter backstabs, one should defend themselves by dodging the backstabs. Without new backstabbers, the old ones will die out, and this world will once again be free of the merciless ravages of backstabbing.

2006-12-19T08:48:00.000-08:00

Why Singapore can never make it far in WCG

I do not become a critic for no good reason,but for this title,there is a good reason,tats y im making tis post...the answer to the above question will be:too many noobs in singapore.

how do i label a person a noob?there are several criteria which a person hv to enter tis category:
1)arrogance in playing
2)using underhanded means to attain victory
3)using a naturally powerful character to kill a naturally hard to use character,yet feels accomplishment
4)wants everything to be perfect for him in the game
5)call others noobs when he himself plays badly
6)quits when he is at the losing end
7)whines at teammates
8)use a high damage spell casting character to steal the kills of his teammates
9)hurl abuse at the opposing team when he is losing
10)complains of people ganging when it is possible to avoid such situations
11)give all kinds of stupid excuses to cover his lack of skills in gameplay
12)flame others in a forum or community

u see tat i wrote so many points down,a noob hving 1 or more of these points.the more points a person hv,the more noob he is.now lets get back to the topic. In singapore,u practically see such people EVERYWHERE,from all kinds of games...in short,due to a lack of pros(people without any of tis criteria),singapore can hardly hv competent successor for its players.

(non-dota players,pls dun read on,u will die of boredom)
One live demonstration of noob singaporean players happened in cuppage centre lan shop,where my friends and i,after playing some pool,went for some lan gaming. as the seats given to us were opposite another group of 4 ppl(rather gangster looking,but at least not fierce),they challenged us in dota.we had 5 ppl,so they wanted to 4v5 us,but 1 of us,being new,refused the challenge.so its 4v4 now...

first game,we won,not too much,but not too marginal,even though the opponent randomed 2 and picked 2 heros,while our team picked 1 and randomed 3.i got a hero tat i hv not used in real gameplay,and was rather hard out on it...tat was a win as they lacked the teamwork as we hv...

2nd game was omitted as 1 of the opponent had a computer problem and needed a reboot.

3rd game was a win,tis time by ALOT.tis is a full fury game,with them chosing powerful heros(LOA,DW,RK,QOP),while us got (tiny,viper,antimage and SA)...since leo is not gd at SA,he was left out at the first 3/4 of the match farming,while we started owning in midgame...i will not go into the full details of the battle,but i can conclude tat they juz cannot stop us,and got thrashed badly,even though their team can own with their heros...all thanks to tiny,who made realli accurate ava/toss combo,viper,hu fed a lil but managed to support us,antimage(me) hu made qop hv cold feed and reduce greatly the effectiveness of all other heros(mana break),and SA,hu emerge as a gd kser:P

all in all,tis 1 game can see how noob sg players can be,as they left without a gg or handshake or watever u would do if u hv sportsmanship..(oh,and did i mention they were screening?)

2006-12-16T10:18:00.000-08:00

back from staying over at shaun's house...going out tml too,so gonna sleep soon..

the 3 d2n stay wasnt veri satisfying,yet it wasnt a complete failure either...from there,u can judge alot of things for ppl(i will not describe),yet i dun feel like it is veri fruitful...hmmm mayb cos we cant make too much noise,we cant hang out at nite(onli me is 17,the rest 16) and got onli 1 comp and a few cards to entertain us...all in all,not bad...lolz..though i hope tat they do not hold a grudge against the 2 gals..reason not cos they gals,but tat 1 shud b tolerent...oh well,16 alreadi,hard to change...

during tat period of time,i started to learn how to rollerblade...lolz,reason is tat i guess it would b a useful skill and stuff,so yeah...fell down alot,and cal dun understand y...reason is tat,due to some biking and some skating,and me being the veri first time,i was veri slow...so in order not to waste their own money,they juz go their own path(skaters and han jie at least got wait)...so i hv to speed up(making ppl wait is ULTRA paiseh to me),and in the meantime,keep losing my balance and fall...in the end,i managed to glide not smoothly at an average speed without falling...LOLZ..if onli *another thing* is as easy...

and heard tat hanjie is pestered by some friend,so much tat it affects his lifestyle...hmmm,wonder y,but he said its due to his beliefs of not betraying...i told him to retink his definitions,but yeah,dun tink betrayal is described like tat...well,shows he is righteous...no wonder 'monkey boi' here sticks to him in the qtss days

hw haven even touch...oh my,i shud start doing soon(stm works up,i bet i will rmb 3-4 days later-_-)...oh well,my life,my way,some things juz wouldn change

2006-12-11T08:58:00.000-08:00

hmmm rather few interesting things tat can b written down lately...izzit cos life if boring?or izzit juz tat im a boring person...

rather bad encounters wif taxi drivers nowadays...how so?many a times when u sooo want a taxi,and u happen to see some of em wif green lights on coming...u put up ur hand(frantically or not),wat happens?they juz CRUISE pass u...wat more,they had their eyes LOCKED on u...looking at the time,i was 11.30,juz half hr more for the midnight fee to pop up...1 would b inclined to tink tat they b waiting for the midnight charges to appear...after all,it was reported once in qianxianzhuizhong tat such taxi drivers exists in singapore...though i cannot assume aything,it sure does pisses me off...

there is another group tat rather irritates me to the core,so much tat i intend to call upon a culling to them...y?their presense itself irks me,and with their uncouth behaviour and their tendency to find others to irritate,i juz feel tat their veri presense on earth is a failure...moreover,with their demands for being treated better,yet they are damn lazy themselves,realli makes me wanna place them in utter destruction...hmmm...in summary,wipe them clean from the face of the earth,such ppl does not deserve to live

on a lighter note(mayb not so much lighter),i hv been to 2 marriages in a space of 3 days...reunion of 2 souls,it may be,i pray hard,and REALLI hope tat they would stay tgr...however,i would like to highlight the fact tat divorce rates are DAMN high in singapore...hmmm,does tat means tat marriage is an end,a desire tat once attained,will b treated like a $2 note?hmmm i certainly hope not...to me,marriage is a gateway to another path,hving another partner to walk the earth as u,to live with u,and of course,the other half SHOULD feel the same too...so,in summary,i would like to urge all couples to stay FAITHFUL(i hv seen many unfaithful ones,young and old)...(ok,since when did i bcome a freaking philosopher?)

hmm tats bout all...its 2 now,and got ad hoc tml...oh well

2006-12-02T09:00:00.000-08:00

hmmm...unable to log in to blogger tis few days..gotto b some problem wif my comp i guess...

-Thursday,30 nov-
went to safra wif bx and his couz...he nids to go cmpb renew passport,so ask me out for some pool...we got in,and got a table...bx and his couz start the first game...while waiting,i was watching the next table,where 2 elders were playing...1 of them i feel was quite pro..den alter the friend went off,and he invited me to play wif him...lolz paiseh,but i was interested to see how he play,so agreed...and manz,quick to find out tat hes realli pro...the way he position his cueball is superb,his angling is superb,and tat day,mayb is cos i forced wake myself,i couldn play properly..i tio owned><...george was his name,from BMW(not the car,but another type of company which i 4got><)...lolz but his rebound and cutting wasnt veri gd...he said he was out of touch cos he veri long nv play,but still,he was gd...imagine when he was still in touch...O_O..hahaz after like say,6 matches,i won onli 1,and lolz,he foot the bill><...after everything,i feel tat he is not a normal employer,but a high ranking person...seems to hv a firm and authoritive edge,a gaze which signifies control(mind u,i did observe him while playing)...so,from wat i noe,he earned my respect><

lolz den after he left,continued to play wif bx and his couz,and i still shoot like shit...damn...didn hv feel...play till 3,they decided to go home..same wif me,and i juz start mugging on the comp again...

-Friday,1 Dec-
went out wif bx to safra for pool(again)...lolz tis time,i had enouf sleep,and met bx in safra at 2...at first play play,abit bored...and i was still a little screwy...den we decided to play another type of style suggested by bx...

[explanation] pool players noe there are 2 types of ball to score,solid and stripe...normally,we juz choose a type and score all into the holes...but now,after choosing stripe or solid,we hv to shoot by an order,for stripe,(15,14,13..8) and solid(1,2,3...8)..and tis time,i suggested tat we make a mental count of how many free balls we give and how many times we miss a shot...tis way,we hv to make an effort to position our cue ball carefully,either to continue scoring,or to block the opponent...bx and i went realli serious and concentrate,and manz,for once u see more professional playing style...i can say bx improved alot given his concentration...in the end,my best score with a win is 2 free balls,3 misses...WOOT improvement too:P

hahaz we play play play,and time flies,den we realise we had been playing for 5 hrs straight!!(2-5)...after tat,we went to the food court opposite harbourfront to eat dinner,and go climb mt faber till the first pavilion to watch the fireworks(vivo grand opening)...lolz not too bad,longer den the national day 1...den head home after tat...lolz

-Saturday,2 nov-
lolz wake up and muz prepare to bring a few small kids out(mother's students,cos they keep asking for an outing)...went to watch 'battle of the wits',a story bout the 7 kingdoms,where a man from a famous family of war strategists help to defend a country from an invading army..hmmm not gonna give spoilers,but all in all,i learnt new strategies which seems rather interesting,and see the meaning of,'helping others but get bad return'(i dunno the saying in english,onli chinese><..ya,u noe wat i mean laa)...lolz the small kids are not realli small,sec 2 next yr,but 1 of them is so guailan tat it makes me wanna realli hurt him oO...lolz arrogant and bully ppl 1...lolz den another sec 4 guy came join us,and we bowled in safra for a while till6 b4 going vivo for the movie..when walking to the bus stop,2 others and me decided to flagpole tat guailan kid...lolz i took his body(he damn light),others his legs,and we flagpoled him on the streetlamp,and turn him 3 rounds...lolz let him taste BULLY...:P...all in all,it was but play,so ya,no 1 got insulted..after movie,go BK eat den go home...lolz

wao,safra for 3 consecutive days...cool...tml imma juz stay home and rest ba...hahaz...nowadays,i feel emotionless...or rather,no feelings at all...like blur cock like tat oO...lolz i dunno y...but yeah,let it b...chalet soon,sad though..onli 4 guys staying(dunno mel ho staying or not)...well,not going to go into the class..not many will like it,and i rather keep to myself to avoid trouble...

2006-11-27T07:42:00.000-08:00

for some reason,i am out of sync with my body..abit like out-of-body-experience...has it gotto do wif the 3 mugs of baron strong i took in my fastest time?or has it gotto do with me playing comp whole day at home?nop,it has nth to do wif those...not boredom,not tipsy,wat is it?

it has to b the emptiness i feel,and though the source is known,1 shall simply keep to myself,though some ppl will juz try guessing and lesser gets the answer...but hey,i realised,i played pool alot tis few days O_O lolz though i still hv much to learn,i still feel sianed...especially when it comes to the new guy in safra...tat 30+ looking guy is like,first sight dun like me alreadi...wtf?i killed his family izzit?alreadi he had disturbed me 2 times,and though i dun tink i should,i feel like juz guai laning him...like,comon,the new rules alreadi constricted,and the woman's constant nagging everytime i go alreadi sux...wat more?the tables and cue stick are below normal,yet usable...thus it is not fantastic,so y do they still see me buay song like tat?moreover,i hv to get food and drinks like from the cafe,which has realli HIGH prices...last time vending machine,a can cost $1.20,now,gotto go and spend at least $4.50 on a drink...comon...so at least,give better service can?

lolz and i find tis rather funny:

person A:so if u hv confidence,you sure can succeed 1
me :aiz,i dunno...like sec 4 i alreadi tio rejected 2 times by same person liao
person A:ah?got fail b4 ar...oh,no wonder no confidence

lolz *laughing while typing* comon...i doubt if it is all bout confidence onli...if it is,i would b such a failure to look to hv no confidence when i hv...O_O

2006-11-20T09:29:00.000-08:00

tis entry is made wif a PAINED heart,a tormented soul,a critter to many...

Ill go straight to the pt...I realli hate tis sorta life...gonig on a out-of-body-experience trip and look back into my own soul,i see a pathetic,useless piece of shit tat is as gd as waste,and wasteful is his life...everyday,i see TONS of shitty things...black faces stares at me like plagues,even the smiles r of a deceitful quality...i noe ta MANY ppl look down on me..yeah,small,scrawny crap..look at my 4 limbs...they r all cuffed and chained...Chained where????chained to 1 person onli...so wats wif tat?im being PLAYED like a puppet...i hv no will of my own,tats wat basically makes me USELESS...totally...

Pathetic?ok,lemme try and see how i fare in various aspects of my life...studies?i gotto take pressure pulling up my scores...y?COMPARE COMPARE COMPARE!!!grrrr tats like me being played,used as a weapon for 'face'...ok,how bout the sector,affairs of the heart?nop,no success at all...not even CLOSE to it...how bout physique?as said,i am scrawny,damn it,i nid the wind to push me forward when i run eh(said by some1)...i cannot carry stuff eh,i cannot do tis,cannot do tat eh?fuck it,i rather DIE den b so pathetic...

In summary,i got onli 1 feeling now,and it can b expressed in tis line:sjigowengweuignyweb wweriuuuuugerhenjivhvbu t4qe2 (done wif half of my actual feeling,i cannot slam the keyboard or i will invoke a series of putting down...im TAT pathetic...cant even slam my own keyboard)

2006-11-16T08:52:00.000-08:00

the holidays...do they realli bore me?not realli...i hv the comp,tats 1 thing,and unlike bx,hu finds it boring,i dun...ok,its harder to get bored for me^^...den again,wif shaun's comp up and now tat we can hv frequent dota games,its more interesting...and i haven start training for the clan match(wif doug's cousin team)...haven even picked hero yet if u ask me...i predict i get trashed,but yeah,we shall see if the internet happens not to lag...and once in a while,there will b bx hu comes all the way to harbourfront to bowl or pool,or doug,hu juz walk from his house to safra...mundane?hahaz relaxing...better den the pw days...definitely...

when i wake up in the morning,i realise tat i always seek wat i had yearn for--a comforting presense,a warm smile,the beautiful eyes,the soft long hair....basically...her...but yep,i see the 4 hard walls instead...makes me wonder,20 yrs later,and it be the same situation,wat would i do?i DEFINITELY wouldn degrade myself to geylang...hell no...charity perhaps?i dunno...

also,i realised i hv not exercised for a looooong loooong time alreadi...i am WAITING for mass pe next yr...like,bring it on...tough?i wouldn call myself a man if i cant take it...so yep,i am waiting to resume training...like i said,run when i still can...when 1 day i drop dead,at least i noe i lived doing 1 of the things i wan,and wouldn bring the regret to next life...

yupyup,bout all i hv,next timez

2006-11-10T08:30:00.000-08:00

lolz i got tis from the official dota website...most of u wouldn noe dota,may not b funny to ya...but,yeah,juz put it up(they didnt make it copyrighted,so yeah)...website is http://forums.dota-allstars.com/index.php?showtopic=57469

some of those tat i picked out:

Dear Abby,I am Tiny. Well actually, I'm not. I'm a giant. And sometimes I'm really big. But I'm always Tiny. Well this is hard to explain. Let's just say I'm Tiny and I'm not tiny.I have a very special body. You see, I have a magnetic core, which attracts to it a multitude of things. Like rocks. Mostly rocks. Rocks are my passion. I just can't go by without them.Anyways, I was going to bed one day, saying goodbye to all my rocks when I noticed that one of them had escaped. It was a very colorful piece of pyrite which I had named Shiny Bill. Ok, so I name my rocks, no big deal. So as I was roaming the countryside calling for Shiny Bill I saw him literally get devoured by a cow. Not only that, but due to the bond which my rocks and I have the rock, naturally, tried to escape its agressor and come to me, its loving father/mother/mountain. Well, now as I'm walking around I have a cow stuck to me. I can't sleep because it moos all night and all the other nonexistent stone giants make fun of me for it. The cow doesn't get along very well with all my other rocks too. This is a catastrophe. What can I do?-Hardly Cowed

Dear Abby,We've all heard of the atrocities of war, of the few survivors who recall pudge shooting his hook, missing, and accidently hooking the world tree back to the scourge base. Or when Crixalis burrowstrikes under the earth, hits a rockbed, and knocks himself out, triggering an earthquake which buries him in rock, dirt, and large amounts of hate from his allies.Well, I have been a victim of the worst scam in history. I was fighting this demon witch, and my suggestion of plastic surgery backfired when the ugly dranei shot me with a spell and turned me into frog. Remembering the rumors that frog legs are a delicacy in some countries I hopped away but she kept chasing. I turned back into my lovable self and immediately dopplewalked out of there, leaving an illusion behind me to distract the sorceror of unknown gender, race, and age that was chasing me.I decided to relax a little in the forest, chatting a little with Leragas the Vile (summer sales you know), before returning to the Sentinel base. There, I learned that my mirror image had returned before me, and had assumed my identity. Now everyone is convinced that I'm just some crazy phantom image, and that MY image is the real phantom lancer. Out of all the threats on the battlefield, I had never considered identity theft before.-Duplication gone wrong

Dear Abby,Life is harsh. So have many said to me, though usually from positions of power and comfort. After all what have they to lose?The life of a hero is no easy one for certain, but when they come down to market who is it who gets congratulated for all their work and actions, is it Luna or her chicken? People congratulate Pudge on a nice hook, but does anyone ever say “Good job chicken that delivered mana potion to Pudge so that he could later do that nice hook”? No!I have had enough of this discriminatory world. It's always, “chicken go there” or “chicken buy me that”, why never, “chicken, you stay here and fight and I'll run to fountain and buy you a dagon”?Well, that fat panda that always orders me around has just cut the last straw. I run in, find a double damage rune, activate it and run in to kill any heroes possibly in combat with my master. Do I get congratulated? NO! He actually scolds me because apparently, DD is only useful for endangered species!Well, I got my revenge. I've taken Mangix's dagon, and his helmet, and his refresher (did he need it, no!), and his necronomicon, and his soul booster. Now I stand poised to march on the capital and request status as an official hero. Already have I succeeded in massacring the opposition (two trolls and one wounded kobold) with minimal losses. Perhaps I shall even crown myself the Chicken King. It is time to even out the thousand years of opression.-Poultry Power!

Dear Abby, I have a problem with the Sentinel guys. I realize they keep shooting red bolts of lightning at our creeps. The bolts of lightning look strangely familiar to me and i now realize that that's my attack. My friend Terrorblade tells me that they are using some read headed staff called a dragon? I thought dragons are creatures that breathe fire! They can't possibly know more about lightning than me! Even Zeus is using the dragon. And that F*cking staff attacks better than me although I have a Divine Rapier, but it deals even more damage than my attacks. Please help me. I think I've been a victim of piracy!Lightning Revenant(lancer_inverse)

Dear Abby,I am the most powerful druid in the world and leader of all sentinels. My name is Furion. I might not be keeping my job too much longer though. I teleported back to base using my ability, but I chose the location using the minimap. So that maneuver has landed me in the women's locker room at the sentinel base. I saw Luna and Rylai naked, so naturally they assumed I'm a pervert and are suing me for sexual harassment. On top of that, Tyrande got wind of the incident and she says she wants a divorce. How do I get myself out fo this mess.-Did not look before I leapt...erm teleported(EverKnight)

Dear Abby,I feel unwanted by those I care about. They get so angry when I appear to chat with them, surprised by my sudden appearance out of thin air. Its not like I can help it! I was trained since a boy in the ways of assassination and stealth from the satyrs and its my second nature to be unseen. But now that thats got me with a group of allies I should be able to call friends, that same ability is making me become hated among my mates! When I fight, they complain that I killsteal with a perfectly timed blink when all I am trying to do is help out! Then when I do something so profoundly helpful to the team like use a smoke bomb (which I spend about 3 hours to make one), they dont even say anything! Not even appreciated! And when I use my ancient arts, they call it shameful! I didn't call the skill backstab! Why am I getting blamed for my heritage?Help me out here, Abby. Ever since Icefrog took away my ward which was my callcard nobody notices me anymore!I just feel so... invisible.-Invisible and Lonely, considering Manta Style for company(alterecho)

2006-11-09T09:50:00.000-08:00

OMG OMG OMG PW IS OVER!?!?!??!?!?

lets see...the 9 month war is over,so has the need to meet deadlines,do wat is said to be correct and suffer nites of needing to use my brain...even now im not using my brain...im usnig my heart,so,yeah:P...bak to the topic,PW realli hv been a torture...with all the things i need to do,it was a burden in the heart...after OP,guess wat?the burden has been relieved!!!immediately after OP,i felt much lighter,tat im able to see things on a much lighter tone..the exhilaration serves to strengthen my feel tat pw is useless..so,TO HELL WITH TIS MODULE,AND IM NOT GONNA REDO THE PROJECT FOR A MILLION BUCKS!!

Going to the soft part of my life,nth had been going right for me(other den the 1t17 outing)...my OP wasnt tat successful,my luck realli has been down and i can basically feel the aura of...darkness blanket my heart...y is it so?is it punishment for me not keeping my promise?shud i do as said?these r qns i hv been struggling till now,and no,i dun hv an answer...ppl always said,'either u hv luck on gambling or luck of love life'...i HAD luck of gambling(not tat i always do,my luck is on things in my life),but my other section of luck fails completely...but now?when i decide to give it up,my luck turned downwards. significantly.now,seems like nth feels right...not even sleeping??so being personalised,can i say tat my luck on life depends entirely on my love life,thus without it,i am like,so nth?hmmm not tat i wanna b so dependent,but it seems like i cannot escape,my whole point of living.

looking at the time,it seems as if im doing pw-_-

2006-11-04T08:39:00.000-08:00

ahhh...wat luck...today went out wif some of the 1t17 ppl,namely shane, andrew, sean, zac, kiat, audrey, sein yan, lisa, mei qi, sheryl, jocelyn, stella, amenda...yeah dun tink i missed out any1 out...i went early play pool wif shane,den later meet the others at far east...later go cine watch the covenant...frankly speaking, the movie wasnt realli nice...juz tat the main actor looked good(i admit it,not tat im gay-_-) and the main actress looked good too(i onli got 1 person tat realli looked good TO ME,so yeah)...den went cuppage again for another round of pool b4 dashing out to catch the last train home...

the best thing bout tis outing is not the movie,nor wat we do...is the feeling when all the 1t17 ppl are around...light,fun and staying in my comfy threshold...is the warmth,is the interaction and stuff...it is realli great!hmmm...if u ask me,it seems like today is a new injection of the 1t17 feel...i hv onli 1 word to describe the outing...yet the word says it all...'satisfying!'...lolz some may tink i over exaggerate,but yeah,tis is realli how i feel!

a pity most of us left so early...especially audrey...oh well,ppl got their own life too!

and zac said my blog is veri emo...guess tis would bring a lighter note^^

2006-10-26T03:46:00.000-07:00

bullshit- tats all i can say if some1 ask me wat i feel now...hmmm things ARE crappy...ok,no problems regarding the promotional criteria for J2...lets tink bout OTHER things in life...lets see...recently i juz see 1 thing,and tis topic connects to the previous entry too...in a way..Taken for granted- what is it?to me,it is when 1 person do things tat benefits others,yet do it in the silent manner,and every1 else takes it tat it is HIS duty to do so...so in a sense,no 1 actually gives a damn if he suffers cos of others, but complains if he does not do the work?tis,in a sense,would mean tat he works for others,yet is invisible to them...when the workload increase(mayb not,but the pressure in the mind does),he definitely will feel increasingly disgrunted..therefore,tis disgrunted person is typing tis disgrunted entry(not cos he is a grunt)...

today?1 thing tat caught my attention is tat we did tis feedback for the entire class(including the teachers) where we write "love letters" and give to others...ok...so off i go,writing in the 30mins tat was given...i cannot say tat i hv been totally frank in wat i wrote to a small percentage,yet i can say tat i was not totally fake in wat i wrote...so yeah,i doubt they will b angry,nor will they be happy...(they=veri small %)

and after all these...i realise...i dun at all hv a chance to be with u...reason being?we r of different levels..urs being higher,yet im juz a low down creature...as in,yeah,tis status feel i dunno how to explain...moreover,you like some1 else..ok,put it tis way,you need him...so,i guess,i cannot,and dun wan to disturb u...i guess i will watch over u,but i will not confess...though i still hope i would hv the chance to......

tats bout all...laterz

2006-10-12T09:28:00.000-07:00

Love,or just plainly an object of amusement?

Some things tat i hv in mind here...so many ppl give many different types of reasons when u asked y they like a person...Some of which are,"Hes so funny he can make me laugh", "He is able to treat me well", "He can bring me happiness".....though they are of different variety, wat are their similarity? The view would b tat u go into something because the person provides wat YOU want...means to say,u go into a relationship for a gain...now to tink of it,is tis truely love, or just plain personal benefits?

Another thing...smth tat sickens me is tat y is it tat quite a few(not many,but i do noe of some) gals tat,truefully,looks like a piece of unwanted garbage with no quality or watsoever,yet comments on those tat are widely recognised as hving a certain quality? Looks are 1 thing gals comment widely about...like,a kinda lousy looking+lousy character gal comments tat some models looks liek shit,when it is the reverse?it makes me pukes to tink tat they feel tat they themselves are perfect...some even indulge in rather gd looking artistes or stars, and me imagining them(gal+gd looking guy) tgr, sickens me to the core?

tats tis pt...sometimes,i gets realli sickened..even worst than when the person hu irritates so many ppl plays bowling

2006-10-10T07:27:00.000-07:00

so many things in my head,so many irritants out there,so much noise,so much deadlines,so much problems tat i do realli wanna drop everything(including my consciousness)

is like,spent the whole afternoon at the esplanade wif the guys(yes,jeremy also) and some of the class gals...actually,most. ok. den we walk around,played bowling,den go sit around the esplanade playing truth or dare(in the end,onli truth-_-)...hahaz the qns they ask,make me tink bout her...hahaz..wat class,everything...its like,the paparazzi is always the few ppl?hahaz...i said the truth when it got to me,but,i am always able to divert...set in confusion so tat ppl can NEVER guess....pro,aint i?:P

den later at nite,i freaking wasted the whole of the nite...my mother nid go dentist,den i nid follow...like say,sat there 2 hrs watching the tv there?damn it...felt like i hv wasted so much time of my life...after the appointment,my mother told me wat she saw and heard inside the room...there is a male and female doctor,and a nurse...the male doctor seemed to b the head doctor,and kept on scolding the female doctor?is like he pms like tat,den throw scissors,drop on floor,the female doctor pick up...everything also scold...the female doctor?guai guai do watever he say...but the male treat the nurse veri nicely...from general knowledge,can see tat the female doctor would b the male doctor's wife?tats the problem...the female doctor is veri nice towards any1,patients or children...but,how the hell did she end up wif such an idiot for a husband?tats the reason y i put tis up...how can gd gals end up wif lousy guys?or vice versa?it has gotto do wif opposite poles attracting?or is it tat ppl realli are borned to suffer?like me?hmmm...such problems in life are realli realli irritating...

another thing is,i do feel my chance is near zero after all?or shud i even ask for a chance?like the qn joan popped in to me juz now,makes me tink,shud i even do it?i did say b4,i will no go bak my words,but will it cause more harm den good?after all,i did try not saying anything,but,it definitely didnt work...i wonder if it is cos i dun hv smth called 'tao hua yun'(lady's luck)?in a simpler sense,my face puts off gals?LOLZ its not tat i care so much,but if it does,tat alone can b an answer to the qn i hv in mind all along...

digressing bak to irritants,i hv a rather huge irritant wif me...its like,bugger,everything also cannot...i realli feel like going down and punch tat bugger in the face(realli,i almost punched the screen at the tot of the bugger)...damn it,i am DAMN unlucky to meet tat bugger...another word from tat moronic bugger,my wrath will b the bugger's end...

hmmm...to tink of it,seems like being guys in the society now are actually worst off den gals?in terms of social position,males seem to b inferior to the females?liek say,they hv tis 'protective aura' around them due to the presense of their 'bornhardts',and tat everything also throw to guys...i DO hv a soft spot for females,mind u...at least i dun anyhow whack them like i do to bx-_-...but den again,some do realli climb over my head...i dun wanna look up and see them zao geng,but i would rather PULL their legs down and kick them off my shoulders...even when gals fall in love and they decide to confess,the success rate is near 100%(statistics from friends)...of course,the comment made was to refer to those tat realli do tat...so gals,if u read tis,tink about how u treat guys...u noe it in ur heart if u do ill-treat guys...if u do,den tis paragraph refers to u:P ...sometimes,i feel tat guys are softer den gals...the reason gals are able to gain position and status in the society is cos guys permits them to...y do guys permits them to?of course it is cos guys are able to put themselves in the shoes of others,thus allowing tis global change...of course,there will always b guys are realli suck(no doubt),and they can b burnt on the stake...otherwise,do try to b more humane to guys?:P

tats bout all tat i hv in my mind tat i can put down...laterz

2006-10-08T06:38:00.000-07:00

GP is a double edged sword,no?

personal opinion,gp teaches us to evaluate,to question essays and compos,to tink critically and analycally. therefore, to question others,to tink how to get at someone,to plan ulterior motives,these skills gotto originate from the use of gp skills...however,to tink of it,how do we protect ourselves from such scheming minds,so as to ensure our survival,the survival of our loved ones?it is also the use of GP skills...as it is said,to counter poison with poison. therefore,by outscheming the bad,we can ensure tat they be removed from the face of the earth and protect those around us. so,gp skills are like a sword. it can b a sword to protect,or a sword to kill. it all depends on the user...now,how to prevent the user from misusing gp skills?it has to do with his genetic makeup...there is no way to prevent it.

diverting from it, is it true tat i am more impatient now..more heated,more agressive...reason being?i dunno...i sense tat my own 'xin huo' is high now...i guess tat i must cool it down...hmmm..tat could b my weakness...oh well

2006-10-03T09:04:00.000-07:00

hmmm updated my links...BET u some purple stalker will go and stalk them...but,since when does not linking ppl stop the stalker from stalking ppl?if i can find all the links?lolz...interestingly,i mix up all my friend's blog around...so much tat its messy enouf...so tat no 1 will come tell me,'eh xc,y my name not first,i so not important ar'....lolz doubt any1 will though...

2006-10-02T07:09:00.000-07:00

just came back from a walk downstairs....y the sudden walk?

it has since become the shackle of my life...to do everything tat u told me to...i take it silently,not minding how irritating it is to take orders...orders tat i muz carry out no matter wat i am doing..being in my current position,i can never win in an open confrontation...age taught u more tricks than i can imagine...i just cannot blinding hand everything to u now,knowing tat ur judgements can b prejudiced and followed blindly...no,i try to b indirect,'let me go,it is time i am able to choose when to do wat'. but u still dun get it..u still sink into the dominating mood tat i muz submit into...i do not wan to do tat anymore...it takes the meaning out of life completely..juz as i do not make 1 submit to me,neither shalt i submit to any1 completely...

on the happier side,somehow talking to u does make me smile...the voice,the smile,it all juz bring me the happy side of life...in summary,u r my happy tree?:)

tats about all i guess...cooled down considerably since the walk...though it b quite a last resort,i feel it is better den sitting at home absorbing to it all...

2006-09-29T08:06:00.000-07:00

It actually has been quite some time since i blogged alreadi,no?

exams are over...but is everything over alreadi?no,i fear not. When the promos are over,it is usually ok to chill and juz let out the cramps in ur mind. No,i tink not too....tis seems to b an intermediate stage between 2 major battles(promos and A levels)...when the promos are over,yay,can play....nop...it is wrong...there is still project work to work out. there is still chinese A levels tat we nid to put in work...resulting in?cramps in the head...

sometimes,i do wonder how i am gonna survive after i finish skooling?be a research scientist?my ass...how many ppl out there hv more talent and opportunities den me?all these questions hv been there for so long...however,to tink bout it,shud i juz end it all wif a great bang on the concrete floor?hell no...y am i gonna waste my life on such trivial matters?i rather give it so tat ppl benefits(as in,truely)...tis way of death,even the old sweeper will b cursing when he scrape my body up the floor...hmmm

after taking out the option of death,there is onli 1 option left..To live.now lets tink,live?wat kinda life?of course i wouldn live on harming ppl...so tat leaves the option of helping ppl rite?help ppl,help hu?of course those tat deserves or nids help...heck it,i wouldn help ppl like some teacher i knew back in the secondary skool...he can rot in hell for all i care...

im juz totally random here...cos i feel rather messed up right now...after promos,tell?yes,no?i did say i wouldn go bak my words,tat i shud see wat will happen if i tell,be it consequences tat may harm myself greatly...now,to tink of it,did i realli like some1 tat seems to be miles up from me?tat i cant realli understand due to the fact tat she doesnt feel comfortable around me?now now,i do make it sound like her fault,however,it is not...mayb im paranoid,mayb im hypocritical,mayb im cynical,but,mayb she juz is not borned for some lowdown crap like me?i wonder

tats bout the crap i hv in my head tat i put onto the blog...mayb ill try to 4get them and juz get on wif life...after all,extract from 'vainity of vanities':
Never be captivated by anyone
Live your live your way, just as you are

2006-09-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

hmmm recently bx pointed out tat i hv been more unstable laterly...i was surprised by his gut feelings...i do indeed hv several period of low sanity...i wonder if it is my inapt at coping with the worklife here,or is just the intermediate period where i grow from a kid to an adult...but it has been proven time and time again tat,i have changed...changed from the good to bad and the bad to good

after the 2nd intake,i hv been changing more towards the bad side...i fail to concentrate,i fail to stay focused on work..i failed to be able to stay still and calm down...i dunno wat might be the catalyst of tis change,but the results still remains. i have changed for the worst.

since the first intake,i hv actually opened up. more outgoing,more laughter than u see when im in sec 3-4...i can attribute tis to my 1t17 classmates...at least they made me see,there are ppl tat are worth smiling for,ppl tat does not deserve a cold block of ice...tat might b a gd thing after all...when i came to 1t30,it remains more or less the same..i find flaws in every1,including me..but i hv nth to complain about...after all,nature is flawed itself. i tolerate,anything tat i would hv flared up and could keep it down,i suppressed it...after all,i do not get angry unless the person i love is harmed in any way...

in a sense,i still remain as i am actually..i have not changed my way of treating ppl...hakkai to friends,sanzo to others...i am still able to eye-read everything except affairs of the heart.i am still able to maintain my stand when need be.i still keep my promises to others.i still treat men like men,treat gals like gals.these hv,and will always remain constant in me.
however,there are also changes which i dunno if it is good or bad...recently,in the interact mongol kid incident,i stood up to go against a ruling tat i deemed to be inperfect. so many were against us,30+ to 4.like my secondary 4 days,i stood my stand,and took the damage,insults and attempted humiliation of the seniors and club-mates.i would hv thrown everything down,washed my hands from it and juz step aside.but y do i still stand in the battlefield,where i know not 1 of the enemy would even listen?is tis foolishness on my part,or is tis not me?aftermath of the incident allowed words,specifically backstabbing knifes,to be thrown at us by the seniors. i wouldn expect them to be silent,but i didnt expect them to use the J2s against us.tis is juz 1 of the changes i dunno if it is gd or bad.

another change which i am not able to understand myself is the reduced tolerance against irritants.some dirtbags,some ppl hu may not know if they are irritating,some hu juz despises me,treat me like not even a worm.i used to b able to immunize against them.but nowadays,i juz cant seem to feel like letting them go...given a pistol,i would shoot them down in the face 1 by 1,and take pleasure by doing so.i wonder....would tat b gd?

overall,i still am 1 tat ppl can approach shud they wish to to confine anything wif me,to allow them to release watever pressure they hv on me...and me?ill juz give it to the wall whenever i feel like...after all,walls are meant to withstand pressure.

tats about all i guess...i can just wish for all i can wish for,give watever i have so tat others may benefit from it,and receive wat i deserve.

2006-09-03T07:09:00.000-07:00

lolz look at the archive...i muz admit,the cj guy is gd at the yoyo...but check tis out!i do wonder if he spend 24/7 playing yoyo,mayb even yoyoing during sleep...

2006-09-01T08:41:00.000-07:00

not too bad a day...bright and sunny,gd for a sentoso outing...went to celebrate denise's birthday in sentosa...go for a dip in the sea and stuff,dinner,bx,joan and i went play pool at safra...so summarized...but writing long for a day is juz not my type...

during the dip in the sea,i experienced near-death situation...i almost drowned...hahaz wanted to swim to the other shore,which was actually not far...however,when i was halfway in the middle,i suddenly lost the strength to go forward...i dunno y,but every kick forward does not propel me,but instead i sank...and trapping water does not work for me either...i still sank..den the lifeguard nids to swim towards me to get me outta water...aiz,so paiseh,but tat is not the main point here...the main point is,i am weaker den the weak me...i dunno if it is my deteriorating heart or wat,but entering an environment tat i am not familiar wif,i guess i cant survive...

after the episode,when bx and joan left,i sat down and tot...y did i,at tat instant,want to live on instead of juz letting myself go?the answer is,life,no matter how lousy,is still worth living...it was my instinct to survive,to fight tat i struggled...at the instant where i was in the water,when i lost the strength,ur image actually flashed in my mind...the fact tat i still want to see u,the fact tat i still find my life of value,the fact tat i would not die in such a useless fashion to mankind,made me wanna live on...tis is all it is about...strangely,i hv no phobia of swimming,nor am i afraid to go bak for another try in the water...but,i juz nid to relearn my swimming skills and retrain my strength...i dun wanna be a total weakling in the waters...

sunburnt and learnt my lesson,i tink tat today wasnt too bad a day...however,at intervals where i had time to relax and look around,like say,in the waters,i still miss u...yupyupz...

--------A loser stamp on my forehead--------

2006-08-21T08:59:00.000-07:00

i really shudn b blogging so late at nite..shud b asleep alreadi...but since i couldn fall asleep but mentally veri veri veri tired,i shall juz burn a lil time here...

before i came to a jc,i tot tat life definitely would be in control here...able to study,able to plan my own time for revision,able to even leave time out for ppl around me...then,when skool started,i got the BIGGEST shock of my life. it seems like ending skool so late tat reaching home=time to eat dinner,work=study notes+ individual research=student's life+employee's life. i even get to enjoy the night life doing proj and homework. tis life is actually mentally and spiritually draining. no longer am i the energetic person tat could take on more workload by allowing others to confine their personal problems with me and me helping them, but the lethargic person tat cant even survive a day without the need to bang my head using my hands to try to remove the constant headache away...

i remember mr melvin ho's smirk at the first day of PAE,and it was a friendly 1. now,it seems rather hostile.(he will surely read tis...oh well,im alreadi marked). i remember me wanting to come to skool during PAE due to the classmates and the interesting subjects to learn. now, i dread the sight of teachers and stack of papers(presumed to be testpapers and tutorials).

did i change,or hv i always been the weakling tat i now am?

2006-08-18T06:20:00.000-07:00

as fatigue sets in,i realise tat i am in a position where i am unable to decide my life,my time,my fate...when i deceive myself on the context tat i may 1 day reach paradise, i will still fall back to reality,where i just bite dust.

coming out of the bottom of the dustland,all i see above me is the the prospect of a student's life and an employees life, with so many intersections tat it forms an inescapable web, with no solution to cross it. as it sinks down on me, i search around for something which can block off the web,or at least,reduce the pain upon contact. but there are onli shadows of wat painkillers i tot i had existed.

Xing Cai, grant me the strength to overcome the captivity of the education system. may i be liberated from the need of temporary pain release, and face the burden similar to a knight facing an army.

this i ask in the name of the courage,the strength and the fearless spirit,A man

2006-07-28T06:34:00.000-07:00

nth to blog about though...mental block now...fallen to the influenza virus,and feeling damn weak now..whole body aching,and i cant even type properly...damn it...got ptm tml...im sure both the teachers r gonna complain so much and try their best to trample me to the ground...if not,wat is the point of the ptm rite?

suddenly,i juz feel tat life is veri bleak...now tat i am a work machine,there juz seems to be nothing tat propels me forward...its juz work to catch up on teachers' demand without any purpose and stuff...its veri taxing and stuff...indeed,i hv been degenerating physically and mentally alreadi...some may say tat like tat,i will not be suiting to go jc,and shud juz drop to poly,but i feel its a veri bad counter of one's abilities...i know tat i can do much more...

and tat Vance have been going around saying hu i like...damn tat stupid bird brain,damn tat big head small body astroboi^^ :P . comon,she is too good for me in any considerations, so its rather illegal to even tink bout her...trust tat peepeebirdpokboi to say liddat...lolz...

tats bout it...gonna go rest now...next timez

2006-07-26T05:54:00.000-07:00

today is a day of verbal fire,verbal arrows and the clattering of verbal swords and shields...The verbal battle begun at the once safe room of LT5,where the interact meeting is held...

The spark is the funding for the mongolian kid...when we were told tat we were to pay $5 for the mongol kid,we were mystefied as we had paid $5 alreadi for club fund...on further probing and questioning, it is said tat the $5 had been used for the mongol kid...den shane felt cheated as we were told tat the money was used to pay for the club's activity...den asked rommel to come and tok...den it became certain tat every1 hu joined interact hv to pay for the mongol kid...ok,shane dun like tis involuntary part as he didnt agree to funding the mongol kid in the first place,bx dun like as the compulsory payment defeats the meaning of community service, and i dun like as we nid to incur a debt,thus it is like a failing business...andrew ar...his arguments like a mixture between bx and shane's,i dunno where is his stand...LOLZ...den it became a full blown crossfire where it is obvious rommel cant win...i experienced it b4,so i noe...den i try to help summarise wat they r saying,den he go down,take the mike and shoot me verbally...ok lor...den when it seems like we cant get our msg across,the teacher stepped in...i dunno his name,but he seems to be the silent killer...when he toks,the exco all silent...wat does tis tell me?the chair and vice nids some1 with rank higher den them den they will listen...the rest of us juz like inferior beings to them...rommel even said tat we muz do wat they say....its like,wao,we nid to be blindgoats led by blind sheeps...i dun like tat,we i feel humans hv higher intelligience den tat...

I feel tat tis episode shows the talent SAB hv..they are veri sharp if they wan to...they can even catch and dig up all the crap tat is hidden by the previous exco...its like,sg nids sharp ppl like them manz...shane is gd at seeing flaws,andrew gd at supporting,bx can talk so well,1 line makes ppl quiet...i like their style...

hmm im certain...we 4 r on ircahn's and rommel's shitlist...

2006-07-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

tis is kinda lame and time wasting...rosel tagged me,and i guess i am inclined to do tis thing since bx done his too...aint gonna b fair if i dun...

7 random things bout me
-im a guy,and i guy i am
-when im tired,i degenerate physically first,den mentally
-i tink bout *her* 24/7,even now as i am typing
-its hard to make me pissed,harder to make me damn angry,and hardest to make me violent
-the first person i put on a loaded pistol is me
-i prefer the nature than the concrete jungle
-lastly,weak as i am,weak i dun wan

7 things tat scares me
-nothing
-nothing
-nothing
-nothing
-nothing
-nothing
-nothing

7 random songs at the moment
-hamangyeon(alessandro safina)
-heart of sword
-1/3 no junjo na kanjo
-open up your mind
-end of life(X-japan)
-1 love(blue)
-your beautiful(james burtton)*watever the spelling*

7 things i like most*tis is stupid as most=1 thing onli...so i shall say the 1 i hv in my mind*
-her
-her
-her
-her
-her
-her
-her

7 people to do tis
-me
-me
-me
-me
-me
-me
-me

too bad,tis hv to end wif me^^ i wouldn wan ppl to waste their time too

2006-07-19T07:51:00.000-07:00

hmmm...nothing big tat happened around...thou shalt not speak bad of one in their back...so,leaves me nothing to put up...however,i do feel tat the class still is segregated...reasons actually hv been posted quite way back in the entries,so...still lazy to dig them out...and...i tink i got some PW-phobia liao...its not bout the consistent work tat makes me sianed,but the amount of work we muz do to survive the evaluation of janice....in a sense,SHE is the marker of the A levels pw alreadi...damn it....how is one able to study with such crap in mind?im veri tired mentally...realli tired...

3 possibilities-she noes and is avoiding me, she dunno,yet find me irritating,or im juz wrong in tinking so much?wat to do?her image stays wif me even when she is not around...indeed...

2006-07-17T07:26:00.000-07:00

hmmm....wonder wat is wrong with me...i seem to be overly affected by tis...case...i kinda tink i hv no hope for it,and tat i shud juz...give up..but after hearing wat a trusted friend of mine,who noes the person too,said,i tink tat mayb,i can juz be natural,but tis time,without putting significant hope tat she will...well...accept me...come to tink bout it,at the start,i do tink i have been over-confident...i...tot tat tis time,i can make it...but...now...i kinda REMEMBER...i am but an inferior human being...whos genes aint suitable to be passed down...though resigned to such fate...i still tink...i would keep on fighting...SY,i tink u r correct...thanks for the help in even listening...

i..am..but a weakling,aint i...XC,do pardon my weakness,which is in fact,my strength...weakness in being immune to feelings=strength in being able to feel wat others feel...tis is...my life i guess...

2006-07-16T07:44:00.000-07:00

nth to write...juz asking yg to revamp my blog...hope he suceed in the scripting....

right now...i guess ill juz let the feelings well up in me...lets not let it out and feel the PAIN,shall we?

2006-07-13T05:58:00.000-07:00

been quite a long yet tiring day actually today...hv lessons which made me feel as if time would never pass...been quite low power today as...well,still got no power...onli tat after doing pe,i feel good...its like i hv not exercised for quite some time,and turning bak,i feel weaker...so the 3 rounds kinda warmed me up...and the amount of pull ups i can do is damn little...5 onli...damn it,i muz do bak 10 again...><

feel kinda...sianed tis few days...ever since i decided to let her go on the account tat she is taken, life has been quite a bore...i..juz feel like im floating...no solid ground to touch...but i guess,tis is life?the gd gals gets the bad guys and the bad gals takes the gd guys..though i dunno if the guy she is wif is gd or bad,i juz hope she stays happy after all...ahhhh nth more alreadi...ill juz go lie on bed and feel the emptiness anywayz...

2006-07-12T03:03:00.000-07:00

damn it...im in quite a bad mood now...1 thing is tat janice scolded us during pw...her reasons r tat we hv not done anything for the june holidays and we nid to hand in the written report during next monday...tinking back,i feel tat it is MY fault for slacking during the june holidays...however,i had tot bout pw b4 the june holidays...3 out of us 5 had to prepare for the thailand trip,and time was quite packed...also,i feel tat for the first week,i shud let every1 chill a lil...im not a workaholic,nor am i a slave driver,so,a rest is needed...den after the trip,there is a frantic rush to make do with the time to study for the mid yrs...i feel tat the mid yrs are more important than the proj,so i did not bring up the proj matter...after the mid yrs,the rush is over,so i tot letting every1 rest would b gd...the onli thing i didnt forsaw was,the damn eom and written report nids to b sumitted so fast...tis is totally my fault...i do nid to apologise for it...but the thing i dislike is the way she scolded us...scolding is a way to let us learn,but wat she says is total bullshit...it helps at nothing at all...den later,she avoided us and were staring at us from far...disappointment i guess...however,i still dislike her way...its pointless...moreover,i didn ask to push bak the time to hand in the written report,yet she was like,"i dun care,u better hand in the written report on monday"...screw it la...

other den tat,there realli is nth much...hmmm nowadays,the guys seem kinda corrupted in a sense...mayb the exam stress has been getting on or smth...i juz cant stop laughing...hahaz...once in a while is ok...but,izzit too much for now?hmmm...can onli wonder...meanwhile,ill juz laugh on and live on...

pif...let me bang my head into the wall and 4get all these?

2006-07-11T07:06:00.000-07:00

hmmm...started out as a bright and sunny day?wayyyy too sunny...keep nodding off during the last 2 lessons due to heatburn...got bak the results and stuff,go thru the mid yr papers and stuff...rather boring a day...i feel physically weak...i seemed to hv pulled a nerve in my arm or smth...veri pain when i apply strength...other than tat,its realli nothing up today

onli when i give it up den will she b truely happy?ahhhh..damn...i juz nid to force myself...

2006-07-07T08:31:00.000-07:00

hmmm...nth much today...normal skool day,stupid weather tat heat-burns me bout...even in the bio lecture,the moment mr ho starts toking,i yawn,and falls asleep...the moment he stops toking,i wake up...amazing lullaby of his...khao lak team meeting wasnt as effective as i tot it would b...but still,got the ball rolling..its onli a matter of time b4 the proj goes full fledge...thanks to the support i got from the team^^

hmmmm nowadays,i juz got some kinda syndrome...no-energy syndrome...i kinda hv no power to study....so sick of the information eating cycle...and somemore,i cannot take the power booster(onli i noe hu:P)...not right to do so...oh well..guess there is nothing more to say...laterz..

2006-07-06T06:31:00.000-07:00

today aint too bad a day...wake up feeling gd,and reach skool in 1 piece...lessons today are nothing much...tis like i lack the interest in studying now...lessons end with pe being the last period...wao...first time i seen so many casualties since i come cj...jenna fell while doing the grand stand torture and had a big patch of shit on the leg...looking at it,was quite bad...i didnt tell her tat the blue black is due to the internal rupture of veins and capillaries which caused the blood to leak and flow out into the surrounding tissues...she will cry when she hears it...shane and dalvin puked due to overworking themselves...i dunno how it happened,but they disappeared b4 the guys managed to evacuate jenna...jenna was in so much pain when jolene and i put the ice pack on her *baluku* on the right leg:P ...she onli managed to take the pain for 6 minutes b4 giving up...i tot it would b of a limited effect,but the blue-black patch had disappeared and all was left was the scratches and a lil bump...wao!!first casualty i treated tat had blue-black disappear so fast...i tink her blood flow is 1 mile per hr or smth...after tat,when she stood up,she still dare not walk...she can stand with most of her weight on her left leg,but tat wouldn do...she was stuck for 10mins b4 the guys decided to evacuate her on a chair...took some time,with some difficulties on my part(strength lv was at 20%,and my palm keep slipping off as i was not used to bx's front-bak positions)...sit around till her father came to pick her up...but by den,shane and dalvin had disappeared...they r strong ppl...i dun worry bout them puking..unless they faint or smth...

its kinda boring...i wanna sit around and watch my surroundings...peaceful life,but cannot...cos gotta rush the eom...gd thing i did most of the eom ytd,so today,after some refining,i decided to call it done...oh well...i am too tired mentally to do much...moreover,i got no powerup(bah,onli i noe who),so,cant do anything well>< ...heart still wif her,but i am going to suppress it..damn hard,but it shall be done,or she may not b happy if she noes it...

bout all for today...do drop a bomb on the tagboard or smth..

2006-07-04T06:09:00.000-07:00

hmmm been quite some time since i blogged,thus i tink i shud add a new post...not out of pity,not out of boredom,but its juz cos i feel like it...tis 1 is gonna b a long 1,so read on if u feel like it...no forcing

its juz after the mid yr exam,and being after the exam,definitely i will switch off my engines for awhile...i hv been dotaing for quite some time alreadi,and even so,i still am kinda sick...not physically,but mentally....exam has been bugging me so much i got tis phobia of it since after the o levels...the tot of it makes me sick to the core...all the competition,all the rush,all the knowledge eating...when i stop and take a look around,i learn more den wat the skool teach...and,there are juz so many beautiful things around tat i missed when i rush...given all the pressures around me,i juz hate it...since pri skool,i hv been challenged by other ppl in results...so many ppl compare wif me...when my mother made me study to win them,it is like,so hard given the conditions...last time,i was not mentally prepared to take up real challenges,and i juz wasnt mature enouf to fight it out...den,when sec 3 yr end,i began to ace my subjects...my 3 sciences will juz get A1s...but,it will juz not be gd enouf...the standard is juz not chosen by me...soon,i was expected to score straight As,which is hella impossible...den,i fell during the o levels...i guessed i overloaded during the prelims,and post prelims,i couldn take it...was too hard...imagine the headache so much u nid to bang the wall,hoping to release juz a lil bit...

how i see my surroundings,does not depends on how they show it...it purely depends on how i interpret it...so far,wat i see is the darkness,with a lil bit of light...the society generally is so sickening...most of the ppl tink juz of themselves...watever is done,there muz b a confirmed benefit..i can imagine how every1 is like......tis is wat i see...i hope to part take in tis race by sitting at the foot of the mountain,watching them fall down 1 by 1...i juz hate to kick ppl down so tat i can rise up...it juz feels wrong...

after the bio paper on friday,i sat down at a back alley bhind the mount faber safra and enjoy the nite air and relax...look around,i see nature...it feels so damn gd...its like,i got refreshed alreadi...after tat,go solowalk in mount faber,its like so refreshing...allows me to tink of so many stuff...past,present and future...hence tis long,crappy entry...

nothing more to say...i feel kinda soulless rite now...its like,my life got no aim...y?cos...haiz,its a blardy long story,but it juz makes me so empty within...

2006-06-26T07:25:00.000-07:00

Interesting videos at the archives...do go visit it^^

2006-06-17T08:32:00.000-07:00

Trip to Ban Nan Kem,Thailand

We went there on the 11th to the 15th of june...this is a trip with many firsts in my life...first time on a plane,first time going to so rural and detacted a place,first time going on an OCIP trip and so on...doing the CIP involved teaching,but we did get to hv lotsa fun doing saikangs such as digging,throwing garbage(collected and disposed of in another place of course) and doing real fun thing like kayaking and playing wif the burmese kids there...get to learn how detached the life is thru personal experiencing sleeping on the floor of the CDC and stuff...tinking bak,i feel tat i totally do not regret going on tis trip...it opens my eyes to so many things i hv never known and could not hv known if i had not seen it myself...

however,1 thing tat hits me the hardest in tis place is how the burmese here are suffering...lek,the person who runs the activities in CDC,told mr chin many stories of how the burmese were discriminated as they were illigal immigrants and these stories were passed down to us...gets me tinking into how much they needed help to get out of tis poverty cycle...thus goes into me tinking of setting up a long term fund tat let us be able to sponser meals to the kids there...its still under thoughts,but i realli would like it to happen...the burmese there nids help,and as a student,tis is best we can give...

i do not hv much to write here actually...i keep the memories as pictures,not words...tis,to me,is the strongest of all memories...pictorial memories...here are some which i got from andrew:

tis aint the end..more to come,when i get the disk^^

2006-05-28T09:40:00.000-07:00

something to tok bout here...the bitter asian men tat i hv linked to the blog...

tat webbie toks bout how asian men are pushed away in terms of relationships,and gals are swooning all over for foreigners...the reasons are factored down into several parts...dun tink imma go into analysing the web....but,in summary,tat webbie toks bout gals going for looks,where foreigners are considered to be better looking...leaving asian guys out...i tink it is relatively true for many gals i see out there...but the main thing is tat,its not onli foreigners many gals are out for...its the looks tat counts...

in many cases,in any new groups or organizations,better looking guys gets more attention...especially guys tat are louder...tis goes into saying tat loud guys and loud looks attracts attention...attention as in 'i wanna date u' kind...i noticed it,and yeah,its part of human's natural instinct...better looking guys are supposed to deliver better quality offsprings,thus gals' feelings are made to go towards them...however,going bak to humans as superior tinkers,wat bout those tat aint so gd looking,or those tat aint gd looking at all?are they said to be so low down tat they get ticked off the datable list?i seen many such cases,and can say i experienced it b4....many may not tink tis way,but to me,i feel the best person is not the best looks,but the best character....nowadays,kind,totful,considerate ppl are as rare as diamond,and like diamond,they get drawn to the rich,rich in looks of course...in many cases,the gal gets the beating(literally,or mentally)...but no 1 comes to find out tat not all gd looking guys are gd...im not using tis to say im gd,but i've seen many great looking guys tat realli are spoilt and ill treat their gfs...not to say,gd looking gals wif guys trying to swoon over her chooses the best looking guy,den break up over some stupid reason...tats a reason i dun look out for hot gals and stuff...cos is juz pointless to look,and onli to look...for me,its either go for it or give it up...dun go around looking at hot gals...its not me to do it...

hmmm tats bout all..gotta go sleep..mayb laterz..

2006-05-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

ahhh...today aint too bad a day...went out wif 1t17 ppl...hahaz was kinda fun wif every1 around,like the old days...hahaz i do sound a lil like an old man^^ newayz,went the pastamania in cine for lunch,cos some of us have eaten lunch alreadi,so cannot go seoul garden....den later wan go watch movie,but the slots are so fully booked...aRgh realli is hard to get seatings...hahaz den we went out to play pool at singapore shopping centre...awhile den all the gals go alreadi...left shane,sean and me...play a lil,go ps eat,den go home alreadi...

friday GP exam not gd sia...first of all,choose wrong question to do for essay...den the compre by rite can do 1,den i tot is 1hr45min...skali is 1hr30min...die sia...AQ cannot finish...gg liao

hmmm now is the holidays...dun tink i everyday also got thing to post ba?hahaz so onli if got thing den post lor?oh well...tats bout all..

2006-05-24T06:43:00.000-07:00

ahhhh...i hv been a lil too lazy to blog for a few days alreadi...hahaz been sick for like 2 weeks,realli irritating...other den blocked nose,got sore throat,couth and all the crap tat came due to heatiness...damn it..weather is taking my body down too easily...another irritating factor...hmmm nothing big happened...juz the normal life in skool,usual lousy love life,usual lousy weather too..hahaz geEz...

manz,im craving for a 1t17 outing...been quite sometime since we see eaceh other...but will we become like last time,i cannot confirm...can say every1 changed quite alot...hahaz well...juz wondering...hmmm...hope every1 can go out tgr some day,and let it be like the gd old days...hahaz

2006-05-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

hmmm...seems like i hv been slacking in posting entries tis few days...tried to,but,not always can...PW been eating alot of time,lotsa hw haven finish...i owe mr ho S.C a few punches alreadi...binomial haven even finish...gotta take my saturday and sunday out to catch up wif watever i am lagging...bio notes needs re-reading so tat i can understand the DNA stuff more and recognise more of the terms...need to read so many articles...GP mid-yr coming up...hmm workload is realli DAMN high...

Some things in the class,i wouldn write it down here,but realli disappoints me...the class looks strong,but actually is fragile within...how many ppl put their own interest EVERYTIME at EVERYTHING?i got my own list alreadi...up and increasing names also...hmmm it is sickening as to how many ppl juz look at personal benefits in the world...some,can break all rules juz to earn the title,"winner". Disappointing...i kinda feel like going into retreat or smth...toking crap here,is not possible to do it,but i realli is sick of such personalities...oh well...

also hv a lil problem wif SAV...political tok...they are pro-WP,while im pro-PAP...since election start till now,we been debating on y WP shud take more places in parliament rather den PAP dominating the seats...hmmm i feel tat in conclusion,SAV been focusing more on the internal part,like getting PAP out cos they been suppressing other parties,while i hv been more towards global interactions...PAP does veri well for singapore go gain global recognition,and allow us to hv such stability in singapore...o well,juz feel tat,we shud stop trying to convert each other to our own beliefs...stick to wat we believe is better,and we can see 30 yrs later...if SAV are correct,i will happily go for WP also...hahaz..

hmm gotta do some major changes to the blog...laterz..

2006-05-15T08:11:00.000-07:00

woohoo!!tis is the big money day!!sell milo dino,cookies and brownies...hahaz hmmm relatively,we didnt do as well as expected...hahaz imagine estimated earning is 1.6k,we get 720..hahaz..hmmm from irchan,we cleared the cookies and brownies,but the milo still got 4 tins and 11 cans of condensed milk...hahaz our milo realli low profit sia>< but like rosel said,tis activity is NOT for money...it is for teamwork,to foster our relations before the trip...i failed to see tat at first...damn it...but now,i juz remembered...when doing things,never stray from your original aim...i realised,and will not forget..

hmmm while sitting on bus with my mp3,i did some soul searching....i kinda hate the new MOE changes...their aim is to create innovative and creative people tat can tink outta box...however,i feel tat wat they impliment is wrong...totally...i feel tat for 1 to b able to tink out of the box and be different,1 muz not be limited...to allow their natural characteristics and natural tots to flow,they muz b free from inhibitions...wat MOE is doing is to remove some subjects,make all government controlled skool more project based....in a sense,they r trying to force creativity...but,to do tat is as good as not doing anything...

look at the workload now...its not tat im complaining,but wat MOE has done is basically increasing wat we hv to learn on all individual subjects,while trying to remove the memorising part of chinese..reducing the chinese syllabus and revamp on the test methods aint helping either...if we dunno how to WRITE the words and form phrases,how do we do well in chinese?while doing all these,they throw in compulsory projects with specific limitations...many things tat we wanna do,are not able to carry out due to some MOE guidelines...in a way,they wanna give us opportunities,yet they are giving us little space to tink...all these work under some cover up phrase known as teach less learn more...realli is called tiu lei lou mou ar...sickening...

now,im swarming wif work now,many things i haven finish,many hw still owe teachers...gotta finish also...been 4 weeks since my health started to decline...everytime after conditioning,i will drink lotsa water,onli to puke em out later...i feel kinda glucose drained everytime...recovers fast,but i dun use to hv tis problem...i tink tis has to do wif the irregular meal time and little sleep time also...hmmm juz tinking of ways to improve it...i shud b studying for my chem now,but i NID to write all these down,as it has been bugging me for quite some time...irritating..hmm tats bout it..laterz..

2006-05-11T08:38:00.000-07:00

hmmm today sports carnival,where we participated in all kinda sports thingy...onli thing we won is the eco challenge,with 4th placing...hahaz..interesting...hmmm today realli shows how our class is like...heard from the eco challengers,jeremy's not being too nice of a guy...been complaining too much during the race,den veri reactive to things...i onli dislike him on 1 thing...tat he is arrogant...mayb not to the extreme,but can see tat he looks down on many of our classmates...including me...hahaz...watever..i juz dislike arrogant ppl...he may b gd in his bio,but so long as he is like tat,he is nothing...den on the netball part,we got thrashed><>< too heavyweight...hahaz...

den later,went to king albert park's KFC eat...hmm tis is the part which shows wat every1 are...every1 swarmed in the KFC,den actually got space 1,den the guys wan go the opposite coffee shop sit...hmmm i wonder y...den i tag along...den later denise,wan li,audrey k wan go pizza hut...den shane and i also wan...cos i can feel the acid burning holes in the stomach...eating at KFC would delay quite some time...so we grabbed our bags den wanted to juz go...den hana,aud,dalvin,cheryl and mayb more come fire us...say we veri evil...the seniors come wif us to like integrate,den we like putting them down,nv give face...hmmm after some tot,yeah,aud hv a pt...we shud at least try to give in..but too hungry liao also><><

hmmm mayb tis is 1 of the factors y our class aint cohesive...half of us r looking at self interest,half of us r looking at giving in to others...different aims,different actions...damn it...how to bond?actually to tell the truth,SAV aint like tat last time...now,they kinda put self interest more...hmmm mayb they will hate me for saying tis,but yeah,1t17,they were at least giving...now,self interest all the way...even when walking,walk so fast,like nv stay wif the group...hmmm...my my...

2006-05-09T05:48:00.001-07:00

my my...im kinda sick of tis JC life alreadi...is realli too many activities for me to handle..nowadays,i hv been lagging bhind in homeworks...owing teachers hw is realli a burden in my heart,but no choice,many things in class i gotta handle...reason being?if i dun do it,whos gonan do it?in the end,when it is undone,the blame gets pushed around over and over again...seeing it for 4 yrs is sickening alreadi...i dun wan it to repeat...reason im writing tis entry is not bcos i am free now...there r still work i nid to do...however,given the phd i suffered tis 2 weeks,im metally unfit to do a decent hw tat i realli concentrate...is veri tiring...since the conditioning started,i hv downed myself with too much water due to extreme thirst and puked it out again...damn it..smth is wrong with me...either not enouf sleep or my body being weak now...mr tay said i shud b more careful due to my health condition...but given my condition here,where i may juz drop dead anytime,anywhere...i dun give a damn...dying now and dying 60 yrs later,i rather go now...less sufferings...aiz watever...

juz tis thing tat disturbs me...y izzit tat 1t30 is not able to b like 1t17(JAE)...i noe i may sound like a brag and stuff,mayb there even b words going on bout me bhind me...watever it is,juz tis thing i kinda wanna voice out..the class aint as cohesive as 1t17...reason being?
1)personal interest overruns everything else..is like,there is no push to stay together as a class..no aim,no such tinking as "1 die all die"...no tots on others at all...how can a class be united if we juz go our own pace,get our A level results den 4got bout each other,den wats thte pt of tis home class system?might as well as reduce bak to other JC's constant classroom changing system...if we are not willing to share the time needed to do smth,den there will b some tat work their ass off to keep up with studies while some got lotsa time to excel...in 1t17,we share every effort,so the workload actually is lesser...more time to study also,we move forward tgr...
2)is juz the different characters of our classmates...many aint exactly sensitive towards the feelings of others...wat we say,wat we do,how many are actually in response to each other or are careful to consider their bakground and stuff?how many times hv we panicked as some1 lost smth or attempted to help them?from wat i observe,we dun realli care wat happens to them...so long as we ourselves are not affected,we juz do our own things...tis way we treat others,how to b cohesive?even i find tat SAV aint like last time...now,we definitely are wayyyy more evil...even in 1t17 outing,can see tat they did hurt some1..the last time i rmb is tat shane shoot lisa...supposedly play play onli,but can see tat she was kinda hurt...i aint tat noob at eye reading..

well....tats bout all...more to come..

2006-05-09T05:48:00.000-07:00

2006-05-05T06:57:00.000-07:00

manz...been some time since i got a lil time to even blog...been rushing PW,hw tat seems to be endless,the class jersy incident,interact stuff...>< damn it...kinda swarmed...i guess ill juz post some of the things happening since monday,most recent at the top...

friday,5/5/06
-hahaz nothing much today...onli funny thing is tat we kept tinking every indian guy is tat shopowner...hahaz...manz paranoid alreadi?hahaz...

thursday,4/5/06
-damn it...realli pisse' with the stupid indian guy...shopowner of "jeans arcade" in queensway shopping centre...conned us...we went queensway check price,found tat other shops were selling the exact same shirt at $25 basic price,while Arcade selling for $35...To check if the guy cheated our seniors onli,Vance and I posted as noobs to ask price...he said 35,we said other shops sell for 25,ask if he can offer us the price...he said,"u come bring the shirt to me...IMITATION!!IMITATION!!...noeing such an asshole,we retreated as no pt argueing bout smth tat is not our main pt...den shane,andrew and bing xing went in...we wanted to negotiate with him and try to lower it to $30 at least,but he dun wanna accept...so in the end,we were damn pissed...i would hv juz dump the deposit and withdrew my orders for pride sake,but tis is the whole class paying,$33 is the cheapest price at our current situation,so we cant do anything...DAMN IT...he shud burn in hell...

Monday,1/5/06
-our first class outing!!most of us went,including SAV...kinda nice to see tat most of the class is able to blend well with each other...however,i kinda noticed some of the ppl were veri left out during the trip...mayb they noe bout it also...wanted to approach them,but,dunno how to bring them in with us...hmmm actually shane may be rite...the class hv the potential to b like 1t17...however,i tink,is still not possible given the current situation...many obstacles to it...some,is natural obstacles...oh well...guess it cannot be helped...but SAVM also kinda at fault...sometimes,we go totally in our own 4 man show,we didnt care bout the others...tis i feel,can change 1...my my...

2006-04-28T07:47:00.000-07:00

my my...its been 2 days since i posted...didnt hv time to do so...gotta rush the bio proj...onli managed to hand it in today at 4.30...den we go interact...is like reach Beyond like 5pm lor...late 2 freaking hrs...wth...gotta feeling i screwed up all my tests...bio i dun tink mr melvin ho will let our asses off easily...u noe,i can IMAGINE the horns on his head....

manz i can BET u he is gonna pass our gay pics around...mayb go scan it and post it on Youtube.... if he pass around,hes gonna eat my true form...hahaz...he sure come read 1...at first when he show me blog in class,i wanted to change my blog addr. 1...but tink again,change juz cos he noe?he wan read read lor...hope he reading tis also..hahaz...he may laugh at tis blog,at tis blogger,but means tat his mind aint mature enouf to understand?

feel kinda light...knowing tat i am not bounded by such problems and tat i will not initiate anything...is to see if she has any feelings for me...if not,guess is realli a gone case ba...>< wish it not,yet its so...oh well...gotta take a rest...tis week has been hectic...gimme a break...